tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-5799220520754386602024-03-13T17:09:30.959+00:00CARERS VENTAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.comBlogger59125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-30509757513864244982018-02-14T15:44:00.001+00:002018-02-14T15:44:15.227+00:00Trip to the Other side<br />
<span style="color: black;">As a carer I always worry about Raspberrytalk every day and even more so when he has to have tests or just see some specialist. I also get very frustrated for him when the medical proffessionals can’t give us answers to what is wrong with him or even try and give him the help he needs.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">Last year I got to experince his side of things, the frustration he feels and the anxiety of having tests done, waiting for results, also the feelings of not being able to trust your body that is the most terriffing feeling for me. I also feel frustrated and guilty for being ill and strugling to take care of raspberrytalk. </span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">Why feel guilty don’t really know but I always do when I am not well. I think it could be the fact that I know raspberrytalk blames himself for my health problems and because he’s like me he will be worried about me too and frustrated he can’t do more.</span><br />
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<span style="color: black;">Me and raspberrytalk have a even better understanding of the feelings we both go through. </span><br />
<span style="color: black;">I’m not going to write full details of the tests I had but I am going to list them.</span><br />
<ul>
<li><span style="color: black;">(ENT Specialist) <a href="https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Hearing-tests/" target="_blank">Hearing Test</a></span></li>
<li><a href="http://www.healthcommunities.com/ear-nose-throat-tests/rhinoscopy-nasal-sinus-endoscopy.shtml" target="_blank">Endoscopic test for throat and nose</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.radiologyinfo.org/en/info.cfm?pg=sinusct#overview" target="_blank">CT Scan</a> of face for signs of <a href="https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/sinusitis-sinus-infection/" target="_blank">sinutitis</a> and other issues.</li>
</ul>
These test all came back normal and I was even shown my CT Scan and the specialsts confirmed that I do not have Sinutitis or any other issues.<br />
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<a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Psychiatric_assessment" target="_blank">psychiatric assessment</a> (by a Psychiatric nurse)<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="http://www.door2doordoctor.my/types-of-blood-tests/" target="_blank">Full blood work up</a> (On a regular basis)</li>
</ul>
These tests however have shown that I have a <a href="https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/low-white-blood-cell-count/" target="_blank">low White Blood cell count.</a> Result from my last blood test came back borderline….<br />
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Refferal was made for me to be seen by <a href="https://www.healio.com/dermatology/immunology/news/online/%7B0656ab8f-94d1-4bfe-8b6d-6b07fee22a0e%7D/what-is-an-immunologist" target="_blank">Immunologist</a> (still waiting to hear from one near to where I live) Heard from one that is nearly 2 hours away I cancelled this appointment because traveling that far is not comfortable for me because of my <a href="https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/fibromyalgia/" target="_blank">FMS</a>.<br />
<ul>
<li><a href="https://www.webmd.boots.com/urinary-incontinence/guide/urine-test-urinalysis" target="_blank">Urine test</a></li>
<li><a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Stool_test" target="_blank">Stool test</a></li>
<li><a href="https://www.webmd.com/heart-disease/chest-x-ray#1" target="_blank">Chest X-Ray</a> </li>
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<span style="color: #676767;"></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-67268663966977170172017-12-14T12:39:00.001+00:002017-12-14T12:39:58.339+00:00Slade - Merry Christmas Everybody<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/cWgwTe01kMU" width="459"></iframe>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-73166822705251151212017-01-30T15:35:00.001+00:002017-01-31T10:47:24.785+00:002016 round up<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="270" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/IzLkQqgHPTQ" width="480"></iframe><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-1996003455256241362016-08-13T14:24:00.001+01:002016-11-14T11:10:09.485+00:00Stressful times with DWP…….<h3>
Update 14th November 2016</h3>
@raspberrytalk status from Saturday<br />
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Brown envelope just dropped through my letterbox from DWP. Been drea<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span><span class="text_exposed_show">ding this since my home assessment 25/10/16. Hands were shaking as I opened it ...... 35 points for care and 22 for mobilty!!!! OMFG! I am stunned. Enhanced rate for both. What a great early xmas present. And all it took was my wife screaming and stressing for a home visit with constant phone calls to the DWP and Atos (I can't use the phone!), getting our MP involved and having a massive panic/anxiety attack on the day and self harming that left blood pouring down my arms! I would go out an celebrate if it wasn't for the fact I can't go out much and being around people terrifies me! <span class="_47e3" title="grin emoticon"><img alt="" aria-hidden="1" class="img" height="16" src="https://static.xx.fbcdn.net/images/emoji.php/v5/f51/1/16/1f603.png" width="16" /></span></span></div>
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Update 5th October 2016</h3>
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Update on ATOS and DWP for anyone that is interested, wrote to our MP had nothing from her at all. She obvisouly does not give a hoot anymore she's got what she<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span><span class="text_exposed_show"> wants now. thanks @patel4witham </span><br />
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Spoke to the PIP Customer Relations guy and he informed me that there is nothing coming back from the specilsts and anything that is coming back is just saying not been treated here since 2012. Nothing from Dr Castle, so much for his surport, G.P has only sent letter of surport of a home visist. DWP are now passing the blame back to ATOS by saying it's because of one of there Healthcare Proffessionals that hubby has a caution on him and this is why they will not do a home visit. <br />
Writen back to DWP about this, waiting for response, the guy from ATOS was very suprised when I told him what DWP have said. <br />
I'm really concerned that we are going to have to attend the Re-arranged assessement for hubby next week, I just know it's going to end up with a trip to A&E.............stressed</div>
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Update 16th August:</h3>
<strong>PIP form has arrived today and giving hubby untill 10th september to return them. </strong><br />
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Any regular readers of my blog know about the problems both me and <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> have had dealing with the <a href="https://www.gov.uk/government/organisations/department-for-work-pensions" target="_blank">DWP</a>. We had a 2 year long battle with them and even had to go to a tribunal so <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> could even get his <a href="https://www.gov.uk/dla-disability-living-allowance-benefit" target="_blank">DLA</a> - being treated like a common criminal, basically branded a liar - this also ment I could not recieve <a href="https://www.gov.uk/carers-allowance/overview" target="_blank">Carers Allowance</a>! When I did finally recieve it they did not give me any back pay, so again we had to write to them argue the fact that it should of been back dated like the <a href="https://www.gov.uk/dla-disability-living-allowance-benefit" target="_blank">DLA</a>. This did get sorted but all this stress took its toll on both myself and <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a>. <br />
I do also think all this stress has been a contribtunting factor in causing mine and @raspberrytalk relationship to become so fragile and broken.<br />
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For those of you that are not regular readers it would be worth you reading this post (<a href="http://carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/the-day-my-husband-became-child.html" target="_blank">The Day my husband became a child</a>) as it will help you understand how much stress the DWP cause and how that stress affected my husband's mental state.<br />
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So now fast forward to present day and, as some of you may or may not know, DLA is being changed to a new allowance called <a href="https://www.gov.uk/pip/overview" target="_blank">PIP</a>. We received a letter asking if my husband would like to claim PIP on <span style="background-color: blue;">23rd July</span> (letter dated 19th July) - I really don’t understand why we get these letters so late… <br />
Anyway, because this letter had arrived on a Saturday there was not much we could do because the claim line is only open Monday - Friday. <br />
The letter says you HAVE to phone them to start the claim. I was not happy about this because @raspberrytalk does not use the phone due to severe anxiety and other mental health problems. I also have mental health problems that make it difficult for me to use a phone. So as you can imagine my stress and anxiety levels went very high because I knew I would have to phone the claim line … I’m not confident using a phone either because I do avoid using it, but if I really have to I do. <br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> could see the state I was getting in because I would have to use the phone. It’s not an easy thing to explain how and why I get in such a state about using a phone, so I’m not even going to try. I've always been like it since I was a kid.<br />
To cut a long story short <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> went on the DWP website and found out that you can send in a written request for the PIP claim forms. Fantstic! So we sent the letter which was signed for on <span style="background-color: blue;">26th July</span>. It was now just a case of playing the waiting game…<br />
…<br />
…<br />
<br />
1 week went by and not recieved anything. <br />
<br />
...<br />
...<br />
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Week 2 went by and still not recieved anything.<br />
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Meanwhile, as we were waiting, my anxiety and stress levels were steadily increasing to breaking point. I have been so stressed it caused me to have a spell of <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Irritable-bowel-syndrome/Pages/Introduction.aspx" target="_blank">IBS</a> and feeling sick. It has also caused @raspberrytalk to have a bad spell of <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/ulcerative-colitis/Pages/Introduction.aspx" target="_blank">IBD</a>. It has also caused strain on mine and @raspberrytalk relationship. <br />
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Then we received another letter on <span style="background-color: blue;">6th August (dated 2nd August)</span> saying that they had not yet recieved a request from us to start a PIP claim.<br />
As you can imagine this caused myself and @raspberrytalk even MORE stress! As a lot of you know @raspberrytalk has a lot of mental health problems and all this stress is making him worse. It is also taking it’s toll on me and having to take care of @raspberrytalk is becoming more and more difficult for me to deal with … sad but true.<br />
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So I caved. I had been throwing up because I was getting so stressed waiting and on 10th August I phoned because we still had not recieved anything, except for the letter saying they had not receved a request for PIP.<br />
Even though I was calling on @raspberrytalk behalf, they still demanded to talk to him saying they couldn't complete the process otherwise. I managed to coax him into saying yes when needed, although he was in a right state ..... how do they process claims for people that are unable to talk?<br />
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So anyway, after weeks of stress and anxiety it was finally sorted ... or so we thought.<br />
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Guess what arrived today <span style="background-color: blue;">(13th August)</span>? The response to our original written request! The request forms needed to request the PIP claim forms <span style="background-color: blue;">(dated 7th August</span>). Yes, you have to complete a claim for in order to get the PIP claim form!<br />
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So it only took them 3 weeks to send the request form, which is basically the exact same thing that the lady on the claims line went through with me … word for word. Well at least the claim process has now been started ... but why on earth do the letters arrive so late and why are all other benefits going online, but not PIP? When hubby first claimed for DLA it was an online form, then a downloadable pdf .... and now they pigs ear of a joke. Apparently the actual claim form is 40 PAGES of questions and there is no downloadable version of the form, so all answers have to be hand written! Let's hope all these sick and disabled people don't make any mistakes! How long would it take to get another copy of the form!!<br />
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I really want to write a letter of complaint, but I know this would be pointless to do because the @DWP really are not there to help people and they just don’t care - because they are told and paid to not care. Because it is run by the goverment and they pull all the strings and are killing people because of the stress they're causing people. And people are commiting suicide because of what the @DWP put them through - and I know the @DWP will deny this, even though it was proven in court! <br />
@DWP have caused so much stress in this house which caused me and @raspberrytalk to have a massive argument yesterday. It resulted in @raspberrytalk cutting himself with a carving knife (thankfully just a scratch as he could barely hold the blade), becoming aggressive with me and when the aggression passed by he ordered me to leave so he could kill himself. This is something he struggles with everyday, like his Rage Control outbursts - which are scary, but he would never hurt me - but each time this happens it damages our relationship. <br />
So thank you @DWP for coming so very close to making us split up and making me so ill this last 3 weeks and making @raspberrytalk even more ill than he is already ……Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-37924706380688923642016-07-27T16:49:00.001+01:002016-07-27T16:49:45.273+01:00Help with our Garden PLEASE!Help with our garden PLEASE!<br /><br />
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="344" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/9hzObfg1h2I" width="459"></iframe><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-71524601961311456662016-06-04T00:20:00.001+01:002016-07-27T15:13:42.158+01:00Looking for a little help ....<h4 class="F6Sdo" data-reactid=".0.0.2.0.$=11.0.0.$=11.$=10.$=10.$=10.$=12" style="text-align: center;">
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We're pleased to say that we raised enough from our crowd funding to get the ramp extended! Just 3m of concrete, but it will change both mine and @raspberrytalk lives.</div>
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Our gratitude goes out to everyone that donated. Thank you all so much!</div>
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Raspberrytalk and I are looking (begging) for <a href="https://crowdfunding.justgiving.com/finish-my-ramp" target="_blank">a little help</a>.</div>
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This is the ramp that the council installed for my wheelchair. Hardly subtle! It is a terrible eye soar in our rustic little village :(</div>
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It took over a week to build but, since having it installed, we have not been able to use it very well.</div>
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While the ramp itself is ok, the problem lies with where the ramp finishes … right next to the side of our car. When it was finished, we never realised what a problem it was going to be until we first started using it with my wheelchair.</div>
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The problem is, when in my chair, my wife can get me to the drivers door of the car, but then has to struggle carrying the folded chair across the garden to the boot. If I am being put into the passenger side, it is extremely difficult to get my chair up the ramp kerb and across the garden, in order to get to the other side of our car. In rainy weather this is awful because the grass is sloped and becomes slippery and muddy. It also means that all of our visitors and delivery people coming to our front door have to walk across the garden to get to the path. This is terrible for my mum, who is also disabled and walks with 2 sticks. She has slipped and fallen in the garden several times.</div>
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We have tried parking in a different location, but it just means that someone else then parks in our normal space and we have the same problems.<br />
The council wont change it because it was agreed at the time (but like I said we didn't realise what a problem it was going to be). They say every time we change driver we should just drive the car out, turn it around and drive it back in!</div>
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What we want to do is extend the path to the left so it is possible to get my wheelchair to the back of the car and allow others to get to our path without walking across the garden. It only needs about 10ft. We would also like to add some trellis and climbing plants (like jasmine) to the railings to try and hide the ramp from view.</div>
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It may not seem like a lot, but being on benefits this is not something we'll ever be able to afford.</div>
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Please help a little if you can and share our link wherever you can. </div>
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Thank You.</div>
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Carer's Vent & Raspberry</div>
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<a href="https://crowdfunding.justgiving.com/finish-my-ramp">https://crowdfunding.justgiving.com/finish-my-ramp</a></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-59922874443781823342016-05-15T10:59:00.001+01:002016-05-15T11:01:34.689+01:00The C Word……<br />
So, as a carer you can sometimes have some very scary moments. For example seeing your loved one having a seizure, or hearing a doctor say that your husband needs to go on the suspected <a href="http://www.cancerresearchuk.org/" target="_blank">CANCER</a> list!<br />
As I heard those words my heart started pounding and I turned to the doctor and said Shit! <br />He said “Yes, shit indeed”. <br />I suddenly had this horrible feeling that I may lose <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a>. I know Cancer can be managed/treated these days and it’s not always a death sentence, but my mind just rushed to worst thought ever - especially as @raspberrytalk had been hiding his symptoms from me for at least 2 years and as you all know with CANCER time plays a big part … so you can see why I thought the worst.<br />
Even though @raspberrytalk was sent for testing to make certain very quickly, for both of us it has seemed like a very, very long time. It has been a very stressful couple of months and I really don’t want to have to go through that kind of scare or stress again. I also don’t want @raspberrytalk to have to go through any of those tests or stress again – any of you that have ever had a colonoscopy will know what I’m talking about.<br />
So, near the end of February We heard the C word and we finally received the test results letter in mid April saying that @raspberrytalk had been taken of the suspected CANCER list. <br />Yeay! You can’t even imagine the relief I felt. Of course @raspberrytalk just looked at me and said “I told you it wasn’t CANCER”. Seems like I had more of a scare than he did.<br />
However the letter did confirm that @raspberrytalk has <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/inflammatory-bowel-disease/Pages/Introduction.aspx" target="_blank">Inflammatory Bowel Disease</a> and if you read any info about this you will see that symptoms can include :- <br />
<ul>
<li>painful and swollen joints (<a href="http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Arthritis/Pages/Introduction.aspx">arthritis</a>) </li>
<li><a href="http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/Mouth-ulcer/Pages/Introduction.aspx">mouth ulcers</a> </li>
<li>areas of painful, red and swollen skin </li>
<li>irritated and <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/red-eye/Pages/Introduction.aspx">red eyes</a> </li>
<li>shortness of breath </li>
<li>a fast or irregular heartbeat </li>
<li>a high temperature (fever) </li>
</ul>
all of which @raspberrytalk experiences, amongst other things. <br />
As horrible as it is for @raspberrytalk having this disease, it could explain some of what he’s been going through and most likely has been contributing to all the other problems he has in relation to his ME/CFS and Fibromyalgia.<br />
Both <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/ulcerative-colitis/Pages/Introduction.aspx">Ulcerative Colitis</a> and <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/crohns-disease/Pages/Introduction.aspx">Crohn’s Disease</a> are long-term (chronic) conditions that involve inflammation of the gut (gastrointestinal tract). Thankfully @raspberrytalk does not have Crohn’s which can eventually KILL YOU(!) because of the complations it causes. He has Ulcerative Colitis, which is not nice and does cause complications of its own, but appears to be the lesser of two evils.<br />
I’m thankful every day that @raspberrytalk does not have CANCER and think we should be counting our blessings. <br />
<br />
Take care of each other<br />Carer’s Vent<br />
<br />
<b>Just as a side note,</b> one of the tests @raspberrytalk had was an ultrasound on his Gallbladder, as they wanted to check that wasn’t the cause of the bleeding and stuff. All clear, but the lady doing the test did notice something on his Liver, but the ultrasound proved “inconclusive”. <br />So they sent him for a complete CT scan with contrast injection (that left a lovely bruise!). <br />We’re still waiting for the results, so the stress and worry begins again … or maybe never stops!? …...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-89834552251837136222016-03-19T16:09:00.001+00:002016-05-07T16:43:11.893+01:00In Sickness and In Mental Health<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: right; text-align: right;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-1BLxWNQLBYA/Vu15vVmyTdI/AAAAAAAABXI/kR9H48-upBM/s1600-h/574475_440173769384319_2057330641_n%25255B5%25255D.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img align="right" alt="574475_440173769384319_2057330641_n" border="0" height="200" src="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-XWj1IAwy9r4/Vu15vzopvaI/AAAAAAAABXM/VDX8NyLc7cc/574475_440173769384319_2057330641_n_thumb%25255B3%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; float: right; margin: 0px 6px 0px 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="574475_440173769384319_2057330641_n" width="148" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">How my husband looks today</td></tr>
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Our Wedding Day</td></tr>
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<a href="https://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Mbk9obe5kBw/Vu15wrHH9lI/AAAAAAAABXQ/mS0rBl6RNSE/s1600-h/2076_1097086989753_9087_n%25255B33%25255D.jpg"> </a><br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My husband before he became ill</td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><br /></td></tr>
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The following blog post was originally written for <a href="http://www.mentellhealth.org/">Men Tell Health</a> after they had seen another blog entry I had written <a href="http://carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/2016/01/year-of-hope-2015.html">YEAR OF HOPE 2015</a>. They asked if I could write something for them, about caring for my husband who has developed mental health issues/conditions.</div>
I think most of you know me as <a href="https://twitter.com/carersvent">@carersvent</a>. But my real name is Samantha and I became my husband’s carer back in 2011 after the physical health problems he had been hiding from me for years finally became too much. He suffers from Chronic Pain, ME, Functional Neurological Disorder and early onset Arthritis. The list of symptoms go on and on, but after constant pain, these cause him to fall, have dizzy spells, muscle paralysis, muscle spasms, seizures, etc, etc. <br />
What I didn’t realise was that he was also hiding some severe mental health issues too. <br />
I’d always known that, like myself, he struggles bouts of depression. In fact in 2004 he left his job as Senior Store Designer for a well-known supermarket after what I can only describe as a mini breakdown. At the time I thought it was just the pressure of his job had got to him. Little did I know that his depression was far more severe than that and he was struggling with thoughts of suicide. <br />
Within weeks of becoming my husband’s carer it was clear to me that it was more than his physical health, but also his mental health that he was having problems with. I’ve always thought of my husband as being very strong, confident and having a larger than life personality, but I had also seen another side of him where he would verbally attack me (I will talk about this more later). <br />
So it took me by surprise when my husband started having major panic attacks! I don’t know how, but I somehow pushed my own surprise, fear and emotions aside and just took charge. It wasn’t really a conscious choice to become his carer, it was just what I did without thinking as there was nobody else. <br />
I think the most extreme example of him having a panic attack was at his <a href="http://carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/the-day-my-husband-became-child.html">ESA Assessment,</a> My husband went through what can only be called a range of emotions, which included him trying to harm himself, crying, screaming, shouting, laughing and being terrified. To me he always looks like a lost child when he gets like this. It does shock me seeing him like this, but I simply have to put that aside and take care of him. <br />
When he gets like this I usually talk to him in a calm and reassuring manner and tell him “I won’t let anyone hurt you”. If you saw me doing this you’d think I was talking to a child and not a grown man. It’s sad how mental health can change someone you love so much, but you have to remember that it should never define them. They haven’t chosen to be this way. <br />
My husband also suffers with severe anxiety and when it gets really bad he will harm himself, either by scratching his arms or bashing his head. I do my best to stop him hurting himself but, unfortunately, this can sometimes be difficult. <br />
Whenever I have to take my husband to appointments I have to watch him constantly for signs of anxiety, panic attack and self harming. As if that wasn’t enough, he also suffers from non-epileptic seizures, so I also have to watch out for signs of those too… <br />
I’m sure you’d all agree that trying to cope with all that is enough in itself, but my husband also has a very dark side to him. This is something I have had to deal with ever since I’ve known him (nearly 20 Years). He suffers from what we believe is Intermittent Explosive Disorder. We call this part of my husband Rob. This angry, arrogant person is the complete opposite of my husband. He’s very aggressive, verbally abusive and always wanting a fight. He never listens to reason and is very good at seeing your weak points and turning them against you. He’s the most spiteful person you will meet. He can be violent, like hitting walls, bashing furniture and throwing things (like cups and glasses at walls, etc), although I should make it clear though that he has never and never would hit a woman. It can be like flipping a switch, but you never know where the switch is or if it will trigger anything. <br />
I would honestly have to say this is the most difficult, frustrating and confusing part of any of my husband’s mental health problems I have to deal with. Unlike his anxiety and panic attacks which I can usually deal with, this darker side of my husband is something I really wish I could just walk away from … but I can’t. <br />
My husband was diagnosed with the Cluster B Personality Disturbances with Rage Control issues. Basically this means my husband is not constantly like this, but flips in and out - which sort of makes things difficult for both of us to cope with to say the least! <br />
Yes, knowing my husband has Cluster B explains some of his problems but not all of them and having a label on it doesn’t make having to deal with it any easier. <br />
<h3>
Cluster B Personality Disorder includes:-</h3>
<b>Antisocial Personality Disorder</b>: characterised by an ignorance of the entitlements of others, the absence of empathy, and (generally) a pattern of consistent criminal activity. <br />
<b>Borderline Personality Disorder</b>: extreme ‘black and white’ thinking and long term unstable emotions – particularly when involving relationships, identity and behaviour. These feeling can lead to both self-harm and impulsive behaviour. <br />
<b>Histrionic Personality Disorder</b>: attention seeking behaviour that often includes inappropriate seductive conduct and superficial or inflated emotions. <br />
<b>Narcissistic Personality Disorder</b>: characterised by the consistent need for praise and admiration and a belief that they are special and ‘entitled’. Extreme jealously, arrogance and a lack of empathy are also usually present. <br />
Since 2011 my husband has been seen by 5 different psychiatrists (including 2 neuro-psychiatrists) and 3 psychologists, some of whom said they couldn’t make a full assessment of my husband because of his rage control issues. But they have suggested that my husband also has “prolonged” <a href="http://www.ptsduk.org/what-is-ptsd/">PTSD</a> - which if you saw what my husband has been through does make sense (since he was a kid he’s had close friends die, his 1<sup>st</sup> marriage broke down, several near death motor bike accidents, etc ….). <br />
So, how has all this affected my own health/mental health? Well I’m on medication for anxiety because I have stress induced migraines. I have also developed something called <a href="http://www.syncope.co.uk/vasovagal-syncope/">Vasovagal Syncope</a>, which basically means if I get too stressed I can pass out. I also suffer with depression and <a href="http://www.ocduk.org/ocd">OCD</a>, which gets really bad when I get stressed out. <br />
I have also been diagnosed with <a href="http://www.ukfibromyalgia.com/what-is-fm.html">Fibromyalgia</a>, which I am currently not even being treated for, which is frustrating. I also experience hallucinations, which I’ve been told are caused by stress as well. Unfortunately with the life I have there’s no easy way to have less stress in my life…. <br />
I do struggle to take care of my husband, especially with the mental health conditions and I do sometimes wish someone else would take over. Then I feel guilty for wanting a normal life and I also ask why all this happened to my husband!? Yes, it’s difficult for me, but just imagine being my husband having to deal with all those different parts of himself and struggling to keep the dark side of himself from coming out and sometimes it will come out and there’s nothing my husband can do to stop it. He then feels all the guilt for whatever he said and did (he doesn’t always remember) … and all this on top of his physical health problems. He is basically having to battle with himself everyday and some days he doesn’t win. <br />
<br />
Last year, after being bounced around psychiatrists and psychologists (because all his physical problems are apparently in his head!), we were eventually given some couples therapy. Why? Because being my husbands carer and having to deal with his physical and mental health conditions has put a tremendous stain on our relationship. We’re both grateful we received this, but my husband desperately needs help with his rage control issues. We were told to contact Mind, but unfortunately they no longer offer help for this. <br />
So what next? I really don’t know … but what I do know is that my husband needs some professional help with all his mental health conditions, but sadly I don’t think he’ll ever get it on the NHS. <br />
Sometimes I look at my husband and don’t even recognize him because of what his mental health has done to him. If he has a good day I get a glimpse of the man I fell in love with, but unfortunately those days are very few - which is sad and makes me want to cry because I want my husband to be the way he once was .. Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-42474139757623168322016-01-25T15:33:00.001+00:002016-05-07T16:45:24.932+01:00YEAR OF HOPE, 2015……….<br />
I think it was back in late 2014 that <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> got to see yet another psychiatrist, but this time the guy seemed not to be shocked when @raspberrytalk had an outburst (punched the wall!). He also seemed to have a very thick folder full of all the reports done on my husband by other head Drs. I think this folder also included all other medical reports done on @raspberrytalk, which me and @raspberrytalk were supprised by. After what seemed like forever of talking to this head Dr he said he could see me and @raspberrytalk needed some kind of help. He said he’d talk to some collegues of his and get one of them to meet us at a new appointment. Both myself and @raspberrytalk felt that finally he would be getting some real help with his mental health issues. He was not offered help before because of his rage control issues, but this new head Dr was prepared to see past all of that and try to find a collegue who was also willing to help.<br />
It seemed like ages before the next appointment. I was sort of looking forward to this one because I felt like it was the start of some real help for @raspberrytalk, which would also mean less stress for me. Having to deal with @raspberrytalk outbursts is very stressful and always takes alot out of me physically and mentaly. I was also hoping he’d get help for his <a href="http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/panic-attacks/#.VqYz1Xnctdg" target="_blank">panic attacks</a> and <a href="http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anxiety-and-panic-attacks/panic-attacks/#.VqYz1Xnctdg" target="_blank">anxiety</a>, which were both getting worse and I was struggling to cope with @raspberrytalk when he had these spells. <br />
The second appointment seemed to go well and both head Drs seemed to want to help. The second head Dr wanted to make another appointment so me and @raspberrytalk could talk in more detail about @raspberrytalk medical history and anything else he felt would be relevent.<br />
@raspberrytalk and I were understandedly frustrated with the fact we’d have to yet again talk about stuff we had already spoken about with other head Drs. It seemed as though that all we ever did was talk with these head Drs and then never got any further. However, this time seemed more hopeful … or so I thought. <br />
I think it was late April 2015 before we got to see the second head Dr again. @raspberrytalk was very anxious during the whole appointment, he even started scratching his arms and making them bleed. I kept trying to stop him but, even with me doing this, he will still do it. The head Dr even spoke to me and asked some difficult questions, which I answered honestly and I even ended up crying. By the end of this appointment the head Dr said he thought we needed joint treatment because from what he’d seen and heard it was clear that what was happening to @raspberrytalk was affecting our relationship, which is true. Being a carer for my husband has changed things and having to cope with his mental health problems has put a serious strain on our relationship. The Dr said he would talk to one of his collegues - for God’s sake! How many more head Drs did we have to see before we got any help?<br />
By now I was getting so frustrated with the fact that we had to see so many different head Drs, but I was also feeling a sense of hope and thought we were really going to get the help we so needed.<br />
So here we go again with the telling of @raspberrytalk medical history and any other relevent information. This usually takes up most of a session. The new head Dr seemed more interested in what I saying rather than @raspberrytalk, she was basicaly a family/couples therapist. @raspberrytalk said to me “you know this is going to turn into couples therapy”. I told him maybe not. <br />
To cut a very long story short, we must have had at least 6 sessions with this lady and everytime I mentioned getting help for @raspberrytalk <a href="http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/anger/#.VqYzcHnctdg" target="_blank">Rage Control</a> issues the subject was avoided by them and not spoken about. It was at this point I started getting a sinking feeling because I was realizing @raspberrytalk was right and all this lady was doing and offering was couples therapy.<br />
I think it was at our 5th session that she admitted she could not help with the rage control issues and gave us a contact number for <a href="http://carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/wow-what-lovely-car-park.html" target="_blank">MIND</a>. Well I contacted them and they no longer offer help for anger management either. However, they did give me a few links to some local therapists, but they all charge for their time which we can not afford on benefits.<br />
I can’t even begin to tell you how frustrating all of this is for me and @raspberrytalk. I had really hoped 2015 was going to be the year we got some proper help for him. I feel like the whole year was wasted and I also feel like the system has failed @raspberrytalk once again. Unfortnately it’s only going to get worse with all the cuts to the NHS and benefits. I’m really at a loss as to where to turn or who to talk to next.<br />
Well, at least we got to have a holiday last year … but even that ended up being a disappointment … <a href="http://carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/2015/07/wow-what-lovely-car-park.html" target="_blank">just read this and you’ll know what I mean</a>.<br />
The <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Relationship_counseling" target="_blank">couple’s therapist</a> has now signed us off and we are still struggling with @raspberrytalk rage control issues, panic attacks, agoraphobia, PTSD and anxiety as well as all his physical problems. Just what the hell do we have to do before we get some proper help? … I am really struggling with dealing with his mental health issues. I don’t want to sound selfish but, I have my own health issues to deal with too ...<br />
Anyway, I’ve written to our GP in desperation and hope that he will be able to help or at least be able to referer us to someone who truly can help. I only just sent this letter so it’s a case of playing the good old waiting game …… which, to be honest, just frustrates me even further.<br />
<br />
Take care of each other<br />
Carer’s VentAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-13353062329928895022016-01-21T13:42:00.000+00:002016-01-21T13:46:10.744+00:00JOB DESCRIPTION<br />
<span style="font-size: small;">A while ago someone suggested that all us carer’s should write down</span> <span style="font-size: small;">what we do. Basically a job description, which I thought was a good idea and it’s not until you write it all down that you realize how much you actually do as a carer. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">A while back I had to write down and explain everything I do for @raspberrytalk for a letter I had to write in support of him to get his DLA. It surprised me how much I actually do and how many of the things I do without realizing I do them (sounds strange I know but it’s true). For example, making sure that @raspberrytalk does not drift into a road/person when walking.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;">Also, while writing the letter, it made me see that I do things that I never thought I'd ever be able to do. Which also made me realize how much being a carer has changed me. It’s made me stronger and more assertive when I needed to be; I’m normally not an assertive person but, when it comes to being a carer, I am. Sometimes I read my old blog entries and think I'm reading about someone else entirely. I’m sure other carers will be able to relate.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: small;"></span><br />
<table border="0" cellpadding="2" cellspacing="0" style="width: 757px;">
<tbody>
<tr>
<td valign="top" width="134"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">JOB TITLE:</span></strong></td>
<td valign="top" width="621"><strong><span style="font-size: large;">Carer</span></strong></td></tr>
<tr>
<td valign="top" width="134"><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">DESCRIPTION:</span></strong></td>
<td valign="top" width="621"><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Looking after the physical and mental health and well </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: medium;">being of @raspberrytalk.</span></strong></td></tr>
<tr>
<td valign="top" width="134"><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">DUTIES:</span></strong></td>
<td valign="top" width="621"><ul>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Administering First Aid when required.</span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Administering Medication</span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Assist with getting in and out of bed</span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Assist with dressing and undressing </span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Assist with personal care and hygiene </span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Offer mental stability and point of focus when required</span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Lift off floor after a fall or seizure</span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Assist with walking</span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Watch for changes in behaviour and act accordingly</span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Maintain a safe environment </span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Take</span> <span style="font-size: medium;">care of nutritional needs</span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">Provide encouragement with simple tasks </span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">General house work including making beds, tidying, </span></strong>
<li><strong><span style="font-size: medium;">washing up, laundry and cooking meals. </span></strong>
<li><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Assist with feeding when required</strong></span>
<li><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Take to appointments and chaperone</strong></span>
<li><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Collect medications</strong></span>
<li><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Help with completing forms</strong></span>
<li><span style="font-size: medium;"><strong>Managing finances</strong></span></li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</li>
</ul>
</td></tr>
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<strong><em><span style="font-size: medium;">I have probably forgotten loads of things, but this is all I can think of at the moment</span></em></strong>.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-32878694531244928292015-08-20T10:54:00.001+01:002015-08-20T10:54:55.364+01:00Non Epileptic Seizures…..<p> </p> <table cellspacing="0" cellpadding="2" width="573" border="0"> <tbody> <tr> <td valign="top" width="571"> <p><strong><font size="3">What the experts say they are……</font></strong> <p><strong>The following information was taken from </strong><a href="www.epilepsy.com"><strong>www.epilepsy.com</strong></a> <p align="justify"><font color="#0000ff">Psychogenic Non-Epileptic Seizures – PNES - are attacks that may look like epileptic seizures, but are not caused by abnormal brain electrical discharges. <strong><em>They are a manifestation of psychological distress.</em></strong> Frequently, patients with PNES may look like they are experiencing generalized convulsions similar to tonic clonic seizures with falling and shaking. Less frequently, PNES may mimic absence seizures or complex partial seizures with temporary loss of attention or staring. A physician may suspect PNES when the seizures have unusual features such as type of movements, duration, triggers and frequency.</font></p></td></tr></tbody></table> <p><strong><font size="3"></font></strong> </p> <p><font size="3"><em>I think it was in 2012 when <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a></em><em></em><em> had his first </em><a href="http://www.epilepsysociety.org.uk/non-epileptic-seizures#.Vc9V48-FNdg" target="_blank"><em>seizure</em></a><em>. To cut a long story short we went to see our GP who made a referral for <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> to be tested for </em><a href="http://www.epilepsysociety.org.uk/tests-epilepsy?gclid=CjwKEAjwxruuBRC9lLGslqjs-HISJAAkq21sM1yantghsIwstt0b4JxBRAOqB8_WwpPaD97Uxk_NURoC7l7w_wcB#.Vc9Xx8-FNdg" target="_blank"><em>epilepsy</em></a><em>. So he had a very basic </em><a href="https://www.epilepsy.org.uk/info/diagnosis/eeg-electroencephalogram#standard-eeg-tests" target="_blank"><em>EEG</em></a><em> test which came back clear for epilepsy … which both myself and <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> were relieved about. But it meant we didn’t have answers and meanwhile these seizures were becoming more frequent and violent. Some of the medications <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> is on are sometimes used to help people with seizures mainly epileptic, but they don’t seem to work for him. </em></font></p> <p><em><font size="3">Because the doctors and specialists can’t find anything <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Biology" target="_blank">biological</a> causing these seizures they put it down to stress, “unresolved psychological/emotional issues” and so on and there is supposed to be triggers. <br></font></em><em><font size="3">I’ve been watching my husband have these for a long time now and I have even tried to see a pattern - and I’ve yet to see one. So how on earth can someone who doesn’t really know my husband or even seen his seizures say they’re all in his head? Surely if this was the case I would have seen these triggers and could help my husband avoid them when possible? I’m constantly telling the specialists that I can’t see a pattern and that there appear to be no specific triggers … but they just ignore me and still ask us to keep a record of the seizures and what he is doing/thinking/feeling when they start … very frustrating for both myself and <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk.</a></font></em></p> <p><em><font size="3">@raspberrytalk even has these in his sleep! I have to sleep in a separate bed away from him because I have been injured before by him having a seizure while in bed … not a lot of fun getting smacked in the face, elbowed, kicked……. </font></em></p> <p><em><font size="3">I believe that if more in-depth tests were done that they may reveal something. But where to start? <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> has already had a <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/lumbar-puncture/pages/introduction.aspx" target="_blank">spinal tap</a> done, MRI’s done, blood tests, EGG but all these have been basic tests … what other tests could be done if we had money to pay for them? Maybe a <a href="https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Functional_magnetic_resonance_imaging" target="_blank">Functional magnetic resonance imaging</a> with contrast, a more in depth EGG or further/different blood tests? What is the answer? Unfortunately, without money to pay for more tests privately, there not much more the doctors and specialists can or will do. <em><font size="3"><u><strong>So for now all the medical professionals are treating these seizures as a mental health condition …!</strong></u></font></em></font></em></p> <p> </p> <p><em><font size="3"><strong>So, how do other people react to seeing or hearing about these seizures?</strong> </font></em></p> <p><em><font size="3">Tell most people its not epilepsy and they seem to think they’re not as serious or as harmful to the people having them. I assume its lack of knowledge making them think this, but these types of seizures are just as bad and, unlike epilepsy, a lot of the time the person having one of these seizures is aware of what's happening to them and they can feel it too!</font></em></p> <p><em><font size="3">When <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> has these while out in public most people just stare, but there has been some people who have asked if I/ we need some help. If we’re in a shop I usually ask them to get a <a href="http://www.sja.org.uk/sja/first-aid-advice/what-to-do-as-a-first-aider/the-role-of-a-first-aider.aspx" target="_blank">First Aider</a> who can then assist me with keeping <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrtalk</a> safe. Going food shopping has become a real challenge because of these seizures (just read the following link <a href="http://carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/2012/09/thursday-6th-september-2012-we-had.html" target="_blank">seizures in supermarkets</a>).</font></em></p> <p><font size="3"><em>I was recently asked to describe these seizures and I found it very difficult to put them into words, mainly because when remembering seeing my husband have these it makes me very emotional and usually end up crying. One way I do end describing them is by referring to the film <a href="http://www.imdb.com/title/tt0070047/" target="_blank">The Exorcist</a> because a lot of the movements he makes remind of some of the scenes in the film for example <a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sZazSFEHfg8" target="_blank">this!</a> Also, a lot of the movements look like muscles tightening, he sometimes arches his back and twists his neck in such a way I think his head is going to turn round like in the film! </em></font></p> <p> </p> <p><em><font size="3"><strong>So what do they feel like? Let’s ask @raspberrytalk</strong></font></em></p> <p><font size="3">Non Epileptic Seizures, PNES, Non Epileptic Attack Disorder, Pseudo Seizures, Conversion Disorder Seizures. They have loads of different names for the same thing – but I’ll start by saying that everybody’s NE seizures are different. What I go through can be wildly different from what others experience, so I can’t presume that this is what everyone else experiences. I also get </font><a href="http://www.epilepsy.com/learn/types-seizures/absence-seizures" target="_blank"><font size="3">absence seizures (or possibly Atypical absence seizures)</font></a><font size="3">. </font></p> <p><font size="3">Regardless of what they call them, for me the NE seizures are excruciatingly painful and terrifying.</font></p> <p><font size="3"></font> </p> <p><font size="3">I assume everyone understands the basics of how we move, that muscles only pull not push? An example – at a basic level, if you want to lift your forearm your bicep contracts. To lower it again your triceps contracts. Obviously there’s a lot more to it than that involving tendons, bones, etc, but you get the point.<br></font><font size="3">If you’ve ever lifted heavy weights, or had an arm wrestle you’ll understand what it’s like straining your muscles against something. Well now imagine what it would feel like when ALL your muscles and tendons decide to pull or contract at once! What would happen to our basic arm example above if the bicep and triceps decided to BOTH contract at the same time!?<br></font><font size="3">Well that is what happens to me. Arms, legs, shoulders, neck … all trying to pull against one another in all directions at the same time. We have the fun of abs spasming while my back muscles join in, so I start knifing backwards and forwards at the waist. Apparently sometimes the back muscles win and I’ll arch my back so high that only the back of my head and the backs of my heels are touching the floor! </font></p> <p><font size="3">My jaw locks tight. I have stress fractures in all of my teeth now. My chest and diaphragm go mental, so my breathing is buggered and I start juddering like I’m attached to a jackhammer. And lets not forget the clenching and unclenching of fingers and toes, wrists and ankles and everything in between.</font></p> <p><font size="3">So while my arms and legs are flailing about, bashing objects, the floor … sometime people … I can feel all of this. The agony in my muscles, tendons and bones, my arms and legs bashing things. Even my head smacking repeatedly into the floor because of the shaking and my neck muscles going “exorcist”! </font></p> <p><font size="3">At the same time that I’m going full on possession, I can barely breath because of hyperventilating or holding my breath while my muscles strain, my heart (a muscle remember) is pounding a drum solo and trying for the world record of “most beats per second”, my blood pressure is up, blood sugar is down, I’m barely aware of what and who is around me or where I am, I can’t see properly, I’m screaming in my head because I can’t scream out load (no air, jaw locked, etc) and all I’m fully aware of is that my entire existence, at this moment, is pure, agonising, burning pain. Just pain. When I do try and scream out loud it usually just gets cut off while my throat closes and stops me breathing.</font></p> <p><font size="3">And lets not forget the terror. What is happening to me? I can’t control my body – what if it never stops? Is this it? Am I going to die this time - have a heart attack or burst a blood vessel in my brain? Stop breathing? Are my muscles going to tear or a tendon snap (it bloody feels like it!)? What if I survive, but get brain damage? Snap my spine and end up in my wheelchair permanently? Burst blood vessels in my eyes and go blind …. and on and on and on … all running through my head, while at the same time still worrying that I might hurt my wife or someone. </font></p> <p><font size="3">Afterwards I feel like I’ve run a marathon and then gone 5 rounds with a seriously pissed off tiger. All I can do is lie there, completely unable to move, everything hurting and aching and just concentrate on breathing … IF I’m lucky … because sometimes what follows my seizures is the fun of a </font><a href="https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vogYC-v9WQs" target="_blank"><font size="3">panic attack!</font></a></p> <p><font size="3"></font> </p> <p><font size="3">And what have I been offered at every turn, by every doctor I’ve seen? A referral to a psychiatrist. Hmmm, well, it must all be in my head then.</font></p> <p><font size="3"> </font></p> <p><strong><font size="3">What @raspberrytalk seizures look like.</font></strong></p><iframe height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/vogYC-v9WQs" frameborder="0" width="560" allowfullscreen></iframe><iframe height="315" src="https://www.youtube.com/embed/UGkfidD5Vv4" frameborder="0" width="560" allowfullscreen></iframe> <p><strong><font size="3"></font></strong> </p> <p><strong><font size="3"></font></strong> </p> <p><strong><font size="3"></font></strong></p> Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-23090896028836583832015-07-20T15:22:00.001+01:002015-08-03T13:29:25.681+01:00WOW … what a lovely car park! ……<h2>
update 03/08/15 My response to Warner and reading there letter.</h2>
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***UPDATE 01/08/15*** <br />
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Just received a response from <a class="profileLink" data-hovercard="/ajax/hovercard/page.php?id=112600378934905" href="https://www.facebook.com/Warnerhotels">Warner Leisure Hotels</a> basically saying thanks for the feedback and that they feel are expectations are too high.......also they have blamed me for inappropriate conversation on twitter and facebook.....WTF they also feel we should use another holiday company......I'm disgusted with this response considering in my letter there was pictures of a damp room and dirty room........not good for a company that have fancy adverts..........I very rarely complain and when I do I get such a bad response..........not sure whether to write back or not..........either way warning to you all don't complain to much with warner they don't like it.........</h4>
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***UPDATE 25/07/15*** - In response to this blog and comments on twitter, <a href="https://twitter.com/warnerhotels" target="_blank">Warner</a> have responded by simply blocking <a href="https://twitter.com/carersvent" target="_blank">@carersvent</a> from both their Facebook and Twitter pages. Well done <a href="https://twitter.com/warnerhotels" target="_blank">Warner</a>. A great way to treat customers when YOU always say you welcome ALL feedback, both good and bad.<br />
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<a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> will be guest blogger today.<br />
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Those of you that are regular readers of the blog will know that <a href="https://twitter.com/carersvent" target="_blank">@carersvent</a> and I have had a few issues with <a href="http://carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/2013/10/long-weekend-away.html" target="_blank">Warner Hotels over the last few years</a>. Water running down walls, dodgy fixtures and fittings, stained carpets …. even the joys of a half bath!<br />
So, after our last visit we were offered a free holiday by the General Manager at <a href="http://www.warnerleisurehotels.co.uk/hotels/corton-holiday-village/overview/index.aspx" target="_blank">Corton.</a> Yep, FREE! 4 nights including food. They were going to have a £1.5m refit in 2015 which included new lodges with sea views and <a href="http://www.warnerleisurehotels.co.uk/hotels/corton-holiday-village/village-chalets/beach-garden-suites/index.aspx" target="_blank">new beach garden lodge suites</a>. <br />
Initially we were told we’d get one of the cliff top lodges with a sea view because they wanted to WOW us and show us what they could REALLY do. <br />
But there was a delay in getting sent the confirmation of the offer, so I can only assume that by the time we booked only the beach garden suites were left.<br />
But hey! Free holiday, so no complaints, but no Wow yet.<br />
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So we went down last week for our wedding anniversary and first thing we noticed on arrival was the disabled bays right next to reception. Great you say? Yep …. but these bays were once normal single bays. They have been painted yellow and had a wheelchair added …. but hey, wait a minute, these bays are actually narrower than a normal standard bay. In order to get numbers up they have squeezed the lines closer together! When we came out of reception after getting our keys I could barely get the car door wide enough to squeeze in. NOT a WOW by any stretch (and I’m sure there are planning regs about the required size of disabled parking bays …. ).<br />
So … we got our keys and went over to the beach garden and it was really nice! Our first little wow.<br />
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<a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-xn495Noq8AA/Va0Dpq_-6II/AAAAAAAABOc/58E3jtiz6dQ/s1600-h/CIMG05303.jpg"><img alt="CIMG0530" border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-C-Fo_6SZJpc/Va0DqHz21WI/AAAAAAAABOg/jP8hPpd38C8/CIMG0530_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" height="184" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="CIMG0530" width="244" /></a> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ByLWhUwGFt0/Va0DraUKqHI/AAAAAAAABOs/twZMyVQK9nY/s1600-h/CIMG05313.jpg"><img alt="CIMG0531" border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-78MnlLf0F9M/Va0DrykoqpI/AAAAAAAABOw/BXcn56A-4bc/CIMG0531_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" height="184" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="CIMG0531" width="244" /></a></div>
It was nice and quiet and had a seating area in the middle for just chilling out. All of the apartments faced into the garden and all had their own seating areas ……. well, all except nos. 1 and 2. Due to the poor layout design, apartments 1 and 2 were set back to allow a stair case to the 1st floor apartments. I’m sure with a little more thought and some jigging around this could have been avoided. But that might just be the layout designer in me (I did it for 13 years!), besides which there was probably costs and other issues involved.<br />
In any case, apartments 1 and 2 didn’t have seating out front facing the lovely gardens. And even if they did, the view from no 2 would be blocked by the side of the adjacent apartment. ……… So guess where we were? Yep, No. 2!<br />
Definitely NOT a WOW!<br />
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Well in we went … the apartment was actually very nice. Prefab, but still nice. Well decorated, TV in both the sleeping area and seating area, Tea & Coffee, mini fridge, safe. Everything you would expect from a normal room/suite. Of course I would expect this as the basic level of fit out in all of the rooms, not just the “premium” suites/lodges. Maybe I’m just spoilt.<br />
Anyway, next on the agenda. Our “private patio”. Ah ha! This will make up for the loss of view out front. I was looking forward to this. BIG wow coming I expect …….<br />
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Oh dear….. Oh dear, oh dear oh dear. Here is where it all fell down. <img alt="Sad smile" class="wlEmoticon wlEmoticon-sadsmile" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-o47i7mNt1Us/Va0DsJHO97I/AAAAAAAABO4/LUwmdpGG8cM/wlEmoticon-sadsmile%25255B2%25255D.png?imgmax=800" /><br />
We stepped out of the lovely bi-folding patio doors on to a nice deck. But was it private? Errmmmm ….. no. It was built in the car park!<br />
Now I don’t mean it faced the car park. I mean it was IN the car park. The same idiot designer that had stepped the building had removed some parking bays and designed a deck area that extended out INTO the car park. And no, not even a fence to make it “private”.<br />
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<a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-Y1uX495G6eE/Va0Ds2ApbCI/AAAAAAAABPE/aZ5XAgmc6GU/s1600-h/20150713_1338433.jpg"><img alt="20150713_133843" border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-d_HpNYkdTPI/Va0DtvAXB3I/AAAAAAAABPI/1Nn6MIKvJQc/20150713_133843_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" height="184" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="20150713_133843" width="244" /></a> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ChGrV9Dpf2c/Va0DuVrFzKI/AAAAAAAABPU/YnrUsSWW738/s1600-h/20150713_1338563.jpg"><img alt="20150713_133856" border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-ib_HI7lC96w/Va0Du_aQsSI/AAAAAAAABPY/7dsZRGUONXo/20150713_133856_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" height="184" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="20150713_133856" width="244" /></a></div>
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<a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-4lp5tp1lz3w/Va0DvjauPTI/AAAAAAAABPk/OxuWGqKhx20/s1600-h/20150716_1006343.jpg"><img alt="20150716_100634" border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-vITddapm7h0/Va0DwMsHeVI/AAAAAAAABPo/FRgG3dUNV6w/20150716_100634_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" height="184" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="20150716_100634" width="244" /></a> <a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-18XNvJYmp58/Va0DwwqyCZI/AAAAAAAABP0/652Hc_ce6wI/s1600-h/20150716_1007143.jpg"><img alt="20150716_100714" border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-B_3nCOuwvzc/Va0DxediY-I/AAAAAAAABP8/dbTyf0W4LnU/20150716_100714_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" height="184" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="20150716_100714" width="244" /></a></div>
And to make matters worse they couldn’t even be bothered to make it accessible from the car park. We parked right next to our deck and had to walk out of the car park and all the way around to the other side of the building in order to get in. The very least they could do was add some steps from the car park up onto the deck!<br />
What’s the opposite of wow!? I don’t know, how about Duh!? WTF? Are you sh****g me!!? Yeah, one of them I suppose. <br />
So we went back inside determined to make the most of it. Sam checked the bed – 2 singles zipped together. Pretty standard stuff. We had phoned in advance and asked for a mattress topper because the zip always sticks in me. Nothing there (non-wow). <br />
So we went to see the manager. After speaking to 3 different people on reception we finally got told that no managers were available … but then the Head of Sales came out. She nodded and ummed and erred and said thanks for the feedback about the deck. <br />
Sam then mentioned about the mattress topper…. No record of our request (non-wow)… and they don’t actually do mattress toppers for the doubles (non-wow). But we could have an extra duvet put under the sheet….. Hmm ok, but hardly a wow.<br />
Then Sam mentioned that it would have been nice if someone had offered us some help with our bags when we arrived. At which point the lady perked up a bit and asked who had checked us in? We spent a few minutes describing 6 or 7 possibilities from all the staff wandering about, but couldn’t agree on who it was.<br />
Well apparently there is a porter service and it should have been offered when we checked in. Another non-wow, but we’ve been to other Warners and have NEVER been offered a porter service! …. all together now “non-wow”!<br />
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Well we weren’t offered a different room or anything like that, but she did give us some vouchers for lunch. Of course these couldn’t be used for everything (i.e. the stuff you might actually want, like a bacon and brie panini or any drink). No these could only be used for specific items on a special, very limited, menu. A tuna sandwich, a slice of victoria sponge. Nice, but not what we wanted for lunch. … oh and I think a baked potato was on there too.<br />
We’d also requested a couples table in the same phone call as the mattress topper, but yep, you’ve guessed it, no record of that either (non-wow). However the young chap giving out table numbers in the restaurant was very accommodating and made sure we got a good table.<br />
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Overall we had a relaxing and enjoyable time, but I can’t really say we were wowed:- <br />
The room was nice, but that patio bugged the hell out of me. We never used it and instead took our coffees over to the chairs in the middle of the garden. Nice, but a lot of walking back and forth for this disabled guy. When every step you take is painful, having to walk 100m just to use the toilet is like running a marathon (not to mention how bloody annoying it is to have to keep going back and forth whenever you want to “quickly” grab something). <br />
The service in the restaurant was great as always. Our waitress even went and hunted down some grated parmesan for my meatballs and pasta, even though it wasn’t on the menu!<br />
However the food was … erm … nice. OK. Don’t get me wrong, by no means was it bad. No, it was lovely. … But it wasn’t stunning. We’ve stayed at several of the other Warner hotels and the food has always been top notch. It’s one of the things we enjoy about Warner. But this was … nice. It just seems to have lost it’s edge since last year.<br />
Swimming pool is still lovely (although the steps are far too step), sauna was just what we needed too. Unfortunately the steam room was out of order. Oh well, we can’t have everything. <br />
All in all an enjoyable time …. but I was certainly not Wowed by any stretch and to be honest I don’t know if I’d go back.<br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-40595779440950414502015-06-28T14:05:00.001+01:002015-06-28T14:07:32.319+01:00DARK THOUGHTS………..<a href="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-lxzDbXM2rVc/VY_xCN9aygI/AAAAAAAABF4/TeV0c9KdIdA/s1600-h/ross11%25255B4%25255D.jpg"><img align="left" alt="ross11" border="0" src="http://lh3.googleusercontent.com/-HlDh3NvxU3g/VY_xDWBcoeI/AAAAAAAABGA/gpy4_5tgNHA/ross11_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="446" style="background-image: none; border: 0px currentColor; display: inline; float: left; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="ross11" width="368" /></a><br />
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So from time to time most of us will have thoughts of hurting ourselves or of ending it all ……… well if you haven't you’re lucky and may not be able to get your head around a lot of what I'm going to write in this blog.<br />
Before you carry on reading please be aware that I am going to be talking about SUICIDE.<br />
I saw this <a href="http://t.co/b11MqfBLKc" target="_blank">In the End, There Is Only Room for Love</a> on Facebook this morning which was a letter a woman has written to her husband who committed suicide.<br />
I almost cried reading what she had written for several reasons, the main being that <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> has a daily battle with his dark thoughts of committing suicide. Some of you may think this makes him weak, but it’s not that black and white and until you have had these sort of thoughts you will not understand ….. it’s hard to explain and I'm not even going to try. <br />
I’m finding this blog very hard to write (deep breath) but I feel I need to write it because there is so much stigma attached to such a subject and there needs to be more awareness of such things. <br />
So why do people have these thoughts? Well as someone who has also had these thoughts it was all part of my depression. For <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> I think it’s separate from his depression and it’s a monster that enters his thoughts mainly at night. He even knows how he would end his life (he has just told me he has several options!). As he was saying this to me he sounded and seemed very calm and normal. This is one thing I can’t get my head around - the fact he’s calm and talking to me as if we were talking about the weather. <br />
Whatever the reason someone has for wanting to end their life, we have to remember our love or friendship is not thought of any less just because even though they have our love and friendship that person still has thoughts of ending their life. They’re not being selfish or trying to get attention, having Suicidal thoughts is not a choice, just like any mental illness. <br />
So earlier I mentioned the letter a woman has written to her dead husband. I really hope I will never have to write such a letter, but I do know if I had to it would be full of mixed emotions. I would also feel that I have failed my husband somehow and would question why my love and the love of his family and friends was not enough to make him want to stay – even though I know I shouldn’t!<br />
We need to bring more awareness of <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Suicide/Pages/Introduction.aspx" target="_blank">Suicide</a> as much as we hate talk about it I think we need to. <br />
<a href="https://www.thecalmzone.net/" target="_blank">CALM ZONE</a><br />
<a href="http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/suicidal-feelings/#.VY_n1WfbJdg" target="_blank">SUICIDAL FEELINGS</a>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-22241327319957577612015-02-27T15:09:00.001+00:002016-01-03T12:25:52.615+00:00RESPITE<br />
As carers it is just as important to look after our own health. Having time for yourself is very important and while you can do this in little bits throughout the day while still looking after someone, you also need to have time away from actually being a carer or time away from the person you care for. <br />There are different ways this can be made possible. <a href="http://www.affc.org.uk/respite-care/index.htm" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">DAY CARE CENTRES</span></a> are the most common and these are usually funded by your local council, so there usually is no need to pay a fee (or very minimal fee). Unfortunately these centres are different depending on where you live. A few years ago a very nice lady came to see me and <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">@raspberrytalk</span></a> to talk about the possibility of us using one of these centres. After discussing @raspberrytalk issues it was clear to me that the centre was neither able, nor willing, to look after someone with such complex issues. So that was that…………bugger!<br />
Another way of getting some respite is getting home visits by a <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Health_professional" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">Health Care Professional</span></a>. Again availability is different depending on where you live - also this is a service you have to pay for. Some carers take on part time jobs to fund this if they can, but this can effect your Carer’s Allowance depending on <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/Pages/carers-allowance.aspx#earnings" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">how many hours you work</span></a>. The other way to pay for this service is to get a <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/social-care-and-support-guide/Pages/funding-care.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">Grant</span></a> from a charity or your local council (this is sometimes called a direct payment). I do believe these will be changing this year, a lot of areas will be losing or having services such as these cut, all thanks to the Tory government……….<br />
I contacted these guys,<span style="color: black;"> </span><a href="http://www.essexrespite.org.uk/" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">Essex Respite</span></a>, who offer respite for carers of someone with a mental health condition. I thought this was great, but what I didn’t know was you needed to pay for this. I was unfortunately not in a position financially to pay for such a service and I don’t think the council would have help as we had already had big grants for #raspberrytalk ramp and my driving lessons. <br />
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-t3LnfIomvjg/VPCItColxpI/AAAAAAAABBg/S4dpa_siJSc/s1600-h/20140703_1043004.jpg"><img alt="20140703_104300" border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-OFNCM63ZgZk/VPCIt5YlGHI/AAAAAAAABBk/CZfKn3f4KBY/20140703_104300_thumb1.jpg?imgmax=800" height="200" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="20140703_104300" width="260" /></a><br />
So no real respite for me <img alt="Sad smile" class="wlEmoticon wlEmoticon-sadsmile" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-G45HJboskVw/VPCIueO12mI/AAAAAAAABBs/e7_WBQ95j_A/wlEmoticon-sadsmile%25255B2%25255D.png?imgmax=800" /><br />
But, if I did get respite, I would like to spend the time with my best friend … @raspberrytalk !<br />A lot of people think I’m strange because I would like to spend respite time with @raspberrytalk. At the end of the day it’s not him I want a break from, it’s a break from being a carer! <br />
Maybe this is where I’m different from other carers, I actually miss just spending time with @raspberrytalk, being his wife. I never seem to be able to switch off from being a carer. Damn it!<br />
<br />
Take care of each other,<br />Carer’s Vent<br />
<a href="http://www.carersweek.org/" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;"></span></a><br />
<span style="color: black;">@carersweek2015</span><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-53100968628813991632015-02-08T11:24:00.001+00:002015-02-08T11:24:57.645+00:00More Awareness Please……….<p> </p> <p>I personally think there needs to be more awareness of mental health conditions. </p> <p>Whenever something is in the press they usually talk about <a href="http://www.mind.org.uk/information-support/types-of-mental-health-problems/depression/#" target="_blank">DEPRESSION</a>, <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/dementia-guide/Pages/about-dementia.aspx" target="_blank">DEMENTIA</a>, <a href="http://www.alzheimers.org.uk/site/scripts/documents_info.php?documentID=100" target="_blank">Alzheimer's</a>, which is great because we do need to be educated about these conditions, but there are so many more Mental Health Conditions. We never hear anything about the <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Personality-disorder/Pages/Symptoms.aspx" target="_blank">Cluster Conditions</a>. My husband has what they call <a href="http://bpd.about.com/od/relatedconditions/a/clusterB.htm" target="_blank">Cluster B</a>. Even as I'm writing this blog I'm having trouble finding links about the Cluster Conditions, so how on earth how am I to help my husband if I can’t find much info on the condition? <br>Also, because this condition is never mentioned in the press, people think you’re mad whenever you mention it or they want you to explain it in more detail, which in itself is a nightmare to explain. </p> <p>I personally think there should be more press about all mental health conditions, because I think the more we hear about these different conditions the more we can recognise them and help people with any of them. </p> <p> <a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-bBsAiD11y_Y/VNdHc0ssOxI/AAAAAAAAA9A/5IHJClA_pcE/s1600-h/574475_440173769384319_2057330641_n7.jpg"><img title="574475_440173769384319_2057330641_n" style="border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-left: 0px; display: inline; padding-right: 0px; border-top-width: 0px" border="0" alt="574475_440173769384319_2057330641_n" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-A4Yxzl2kuYg/VNdHdZSdb1I/AAAAAAAAA9E/qDN9nPrMbmU/574475_440173769384319_2057330641_n_.jpg?imgmax=800" width="158" height="203"></a> <a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-37DgMYWkjCI/VNdHeVuQ-AI/AAAAAAAAA9Q/StKkorn-2RE/s1600-h/1502554_744103282324698_122583316484%25255B2%25255D.jpg"><img title="1502554_744103282324698_1225833164846153019_n" style="border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-left: 0px; display: inline; padding-right: 0px; border-top-width: 0px" border="0" alt="1502554_744103282324698_1225833164846153019_n" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-2_Ydoabt270/VNdHe3JvydI/AAAAAAAAA9Y/RtXRQm235I4/1502554_744103282324698_122583316484.jpg?imgmax=800" width="144" height="191"></a></p> <p>It was recently <a href="http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/timetotalkday" target="_blank">Time To Talk Day</a>, but how many of you knew this? I only knew because I follow <a href="https://twitter.com/TimetoChange" target="_blank">@timetochange</a> on twitter. I watch the news and even sometimes watch breakfast TV and I didn’t see <em>anything</em> about the Time To Talk Day. </p> <p>I also feel the press only talk about older carers (50+) or carers that are children. I personally think no child should ever have to be a carer and I have a lot of respect for those that are, but what about the carers that are say 40+ and are caring for someone in that age range? There never seems to be any press or awareness of these carers or the people they care for. It can be very frustrating for me being someone in this age range and caring for someone in this age range. Also I noticed that a lot of the charities will only help either the really young carers or older carers (50+). What about the middle aged carers? We need help too!</p> <p>I’m just glad that there are so many carer groups on Facebook that understand that carers come in all shapes and sizes.</p> <p> </p> <p>Anyway …. Here’s a couple of mental health groups on Facebook:-</p> <p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/carersconnected/" target="_blank">Carers Connected</a></p> <p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/MakingMentalHealthPositive/timeline" target="_blank">Making Mental Health Positive</a></p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-JT9S-NqZV8E/VNdHf1Ac0tI/AAAAAAAAA9g/PIpNy_s0jV8/s1600-h/Making-Mental-Health-Positive-Awaren%25255B1%25255D.jpg"><img title="Making Mental Health Positive Awareness Ribbon 2" style="border-left-width: 0px; border-right-width: 0px; background-image: none; border-bottom-width: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-left: 0px; display: inline; padding-right: 0px; border-top-width: 0px" border="0" alt="Making Mental Health Positive Awareness Ribbon 2" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-I9rJVEqIMAc/VNdHgUXx3eI/AAAAAAAAA9k/vsmPBBULMOc/Making-Mental-Health-Positive-Awaren%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="132" height="180"></a></p> <p> </p> <p>Remember Take Care Of Each Other,<br>Carer’s Vent</p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-h6mDnQ-4eVo/VNdHhPcPrqI/AAAAAAAAA9w/v-2U0bKAZQY/s1600-h/blog-poster-.jpg"><img title="blog poster " style="display: inline" alt="blog poster " src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-8Nl211Aa9Tc/VNdHhg2Xt9I/AAAAAAAAA94/14wZIeK4inM/blog-poster-_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" width="439" height="179"></a></p> <p> </p> <div id="scid:0767317B-992E-4b12-91E0-4F059A8CECA8:aa96707b-261b-45f7-bed8-cb5f365b1597" class="wlWriterEditableSmartContent" style="float: none; padding-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-left: 0px; margin: 0px; display: inline; padding-right: 0px">Technorati Tags: <a href="http://technorati.com/tags/carers" rel="tag">carers</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/carers+connected" rel="tag">carers connected</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/mental+health" rel="tag">mental health</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/cluster+b" rel="tag">cluster b</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/mind" rel="tag">mind</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/awareness" rel="tag">awareness</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/time+to+change" rel="tag">time to change</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/time+to+talk" rel="tag">time to talk</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/carers+vent" rel="tag">carers vent</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/raspberrytalk" rel="tag">raspberrytalk</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/depression" rel="tag">depression</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/dementia" rel="tag">dementia</a>,<a href="http://technorati.com/tags/alzheimer's" rel="tag">alzheimer's</a></div> Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-2780536023410592562015-01-06T13:52:00.001+00:002016-01-03T12:27:12.185+00:00The Unwanted Guest … (ROB)<br />
I’m sure many of you had unwanted guests at Christmas, some of which you are able to turn away, some that you can’t and you just wish they would go away.<br />
Any of you that read my blog on a regular basis will know who ROB is. For those of you that are new to my blog, may I suggest that you read <a href="http://www.carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/meet-3-people-i-live-with.html" target="_blank"><strong><u>the 3 people I live with</u></strong></a> before reading any more of this blog entry.<br />
My unwanted guest decided to come Christmas day, just before serving up Christmas dinner, which was just perfect timing don’t you think? ……<br />
I was not expecting to see Rob at all and I was certainly not prepared to speak to him. Unfortunately Rob comes out to play when <em>he</em> feels like it and he doesn't care what else may be going on. I was not in the mood for Rob, so when he started verbally attacking me, I broke down in tears. And, as usual, even though I broke down like this I still tried to calm my husband (Rob) down. But the more I tried the more angry he got and more of Rob came out. I even lost my temper a bit at one point and shouted at my husband and I even threw a glass bottle outside (fortunately it didn’t break!). I know I shouldn’t have done this, but I was so frustrated that Rob decided to come round for a Christmas fight. <br />
Like I have already said the more I tried to calm my husband down the more he got into a rage and used me as a verbal punch bag. That is certainly how I feel when he goes into Rob mode. Also, even though his mother and step father were here, it was still me who got the full brunt of Rob’s verbal abuse. <span style="font-family: Wingdings; font-size: small;">L</span><br />
I felt so frustrated afterwards for several reasons. Not being able to hold it together was the main thing, but also that I didn’t even notice he was coming out to play. I was also frustrated that there is nothing I can do for my husband when he gets like this. I’m sure other carers out there that care for someone with mental health issues feel this way too. <br />
Don’t know what the answer is, but I do know both me and my husband need some help with managing this side of him. Will we get the help we need this year? <br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-43272247581882805702014-11-17T11:57:00.001+00:002016-01-03T12:28:02.653+00:00The madness that is Christmas ...<em><span style="font-size: small;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: small;">So, it’s only so many weeks until this thing called Christmas which always seems to create such madness every year. </span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-yib_NgRjuwQ/VGnid56L8ZI/AAAAAAAAA4w/hfN5t2KbuIs/s1600-h/imagesCA8FYX30%25255B1%25255D.jpg"><img align="left" alt="imagesCA8FYX30" border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-ehM1JNXvll4/VGniecXBHvI/AAAAAAAAA44/bsbbJUMhEFc/imagesCA8FYX30_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" height="172" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; float: left; margin: 0px 8px 0px 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="imagesCA8FYX30" width="303" /></a>As most of you know</span></em><em><span style="font-size: small;">, my husband has trouble going out of the house at the best of times just to do some shopping with me. So we try and do shopping at quiet times to reduce the stress to him and myself. I actually hate food shopping anyway and just find it so much more stressful when I have a disabled person with me - I have to be so alert and try to stay calm …… nightmare.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: small;"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: small;">So this year rather than leaving our Christmas food shop until a week before, we have bought things over the last few months.</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: small;"><a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/--zKXb9iMjLQ/VGnifKa8j7I/AAAAAAAAA5A/sP4j8lwp03E/s1600-h/turkey_with_all_the_trimmings_on_christmas_table_usa_964486.jpg"><img align="right" alt="turkey_with_all_the_trimmings_on_christmas_table_usa_964486" border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-QL5nsbAaiPE/VGnif6KSsPI/AAAAAAAAA5E/-qH4R-6W2Rw/turkey_with_all_the_trimmings_on_christmas_table_usa_964486_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" height="176" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; float: right; margin: 0px 8px 0px 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="turkey_with_all_the_trimmings_on_christmas_table_usa_964486" width="246" /></a>“But that's not so easy to do with meat” I hear you say. Well this year we have ordered our meat from our local butcher. All fresh from local farms and we’ll be picking it up on 23rd. And it’s all better quality and slightly cheaper than the supermarkets!</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: small;">Most of the vegetables will be frozen. Yes, I know fresh is better, but frozen veg is a lot less hassle …...</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: small;">Our kitchen is tiny, so there’s normally only enough room for one person (me!). Last year there was two of us prepping the food and 2 others constantly coming in and out and it was a complete nightmare. So that's the other reason to have frozen vegetables – no prep, chuck it in a pan of water! </span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: small;"></span></em><br />
<h1>
<em><span style="font-size: small;">What about naughty bits?</span></em></h1>
<a href="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-6gKP53qjiuQ/VGnigkKKqUI/AAAAAAAAA5Q/AdnwG2dFfPQ/s1600-h/CIMG0477%25255B4%25255D.jpg"><img align="left" alt="CIMG0477" border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-_uMDcohEnUM/VGnihLuK5lI/AAAAAAAAA5U/miXSqdmZRic/CIMG0477_thumb%25255B1%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="186" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; float: left; margin: 0px 8px 0px 0px; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="CIMG0477" width="246" /></a><br />
<br />
<em><span style="font-size: small;">Again, as soon as this stuff was in the shops we bought what we wanted. I have to say though that, despite what the papers keep reporting, the supermarkets seem to get the Christmas things in later and later each year, not earlier. </span></em><em><span style="font-size: small;">We also had to go to several different supermarkets to get everything. Maybe I should shop online next Christmas?</span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-size: small;"></span></em><br />
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-v7PPoeHAn2M/VGnihiHQ1jI/AAAAAAAAA5g/9nQi4lUEfVE/s1600-h/7354958-christmas-sweets-in-a-glass-bowl-with-reflection-on-white.jpg"><img alt="7354958-christmas-sweets-in-a-glass-bowl-with-reflection-on-white" border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-5QafwUUYeyM/VGniiBouZ-I/AAAAAAAAA5o/FHH9CPatDCk/7354958-christmas-sweets-in-a-glass-bowl-with-reflection-on-white_thumb.jpg?imgmax=800" height="252" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="7354958-christmas-sweets-in-a-glass-bowl-with-reflection-on-white" width="358" /></a><br />
<br />
<h3>
Now for some general advice:</h3>
<ul>
<li><em><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><em><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>If possible make sure you rest when you can, Christmas is a very hectic time.</strong></span></em></strong></span></em><em><span style="font-size: small;">I’m lucky this year as we will be having my mother in-law and her partner staying with us. So no matter what there will always be someone with <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk?lang=en" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;"><u><strong>@raspberrytalk.</strong></u></span></a></span></em></li>
<li><em><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>Make sure all meds have been collected and there’s plenty to cover over Christmas and New Year.</strong></span></em></li>
<li><strong><em><span style="font-size: small;">Get the <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/vaccinations/pages/flu-influenza-vaccine.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;">Flu Jab.</span></a></span></em></strong><strong><em><span style="font-size: small;"><br />(</span></em></strong><em><span style="font-size: small;">If your <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/carerslives/gettinghelp/Pages/Gettingthemostfromyourfamilydoctor.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;"><strong>registered as a carer at your G.P</strong></span></a> you should of been offered this for FREE.)</span></em></li>
<li><span style="font-size: small;"><strong><em>Get as much of your</em></strong> <strong><em>Christmas food before December. This can include all the naughty food as well.</em></strong></span></li>
<li><em><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>Try not to get stressed out, it’s only Christmas!</strong>(easier said than done I know).</span></em></li>
<li><em><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>Ask for help if you’re not coping to well.</strong>There is always someone who can help you’d be surprised by the kindness of people especially this time of year.</span></em></li>
<li><em><span style="font-size: small;"><strong>Keep warm.</strong>You may be entitled to get a <a href="https://www.gov.uk/the-warm-home-discount-scheme/overview" target="_blank"><span style="color: black;"><strong>warm home discount.</strong></span></a></span></em></li>
</ul>
<strong><em><span style="font-size: small;"></span></em></strong><br />
<br />
<strong><em><span style="font-size: medium;">Have fun, it’s Christmas.</span></em></strong><br />
<a href="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-omQPIX5wkMs/VGniimlwJtI/AAAAAAAAA5w/1woaarSo_aA/s1600-h/imagesCAJ66GWJ%25255B1%25255D.jpg"><img alt="imagesCAJ66GWJ" border="0" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-poAq8NRSGxo/VGnijPf26tI/AAAAAAAAA50/5qPXoUS-RGA/imagesCAJ66GWJ_thumb%25255B1%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="140" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: block; float: none; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="imagesCAJ66GWJ" width="246" /></a><br />
<span style="font-size: medium;"><strong><em>Merry Christmas everyone & remember </em></strong><strong><em>take care of each other.</em></strong></span><br />
<strong><em><span style="font-size: medium;">carer’s vent & Aka the raspberry</span></em></strong><br />
<strong><em><span style="font-size: large;"></span></em></strong><br />
<strong><em><span style="font-size: medium;"></span></em></strong><br />
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-66358627453635761822014-11-02T14:18:00.000+00:002014-11-02T15:00:38.694+00:00Making of a Mental Health Video<div style="text-align: justify;">
For a long time I have been wanting to do more for spreading awareness of mental health.<br />
<br />
I have been retweeting stuff on twitter, but I felt this was not enough. So my idea to do a video came to me one night while wide awake in bed. The original idea was just to have captions to music, but after discussing it with<a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank"> @raspberrytalk</a> we both agreed that actually talking about mental health would be better.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
I was going to do the talking on the video, but I then thought it would be more impactful if we had both sides - mine as the carer and <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> as the caree.</div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
We neither of us dreamed this would take us on such an emotional journey - some feelings that had been buried come up to the surface while doing the video. But most of all, doing this video reminded us of what a good team we really are. <br />
During the editing process it almost felt like old times when we used edit wedding videos together. Just a pity we don't have a decent camera any more :(<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<iframe allowfullscreen='allowfullscreen' webkitallowfullscreen='webkitallowfullscreen' mozallowfullscreen='mozallowfullscreen' width='320' height='266' src='https://www.youtube.com/embed/X3ztd4QgK1A?feature=player_embedded' frameborder='0'></iframe></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">WE NEED TO TALK MORE ABOUT MENTAL HEALTH AND STOP THE STIGMA</span></strong><br />
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://twitter.com/MindCharity" target="_blank">@mindchairty</a></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://twitter.com/StampStigma" target="_blank">@stampstigma</a></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://twitter.com/TimetoChange" target="_blank">@timetochange</a></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://twitter.com/RecoveryCastle" target="_blank">@recoverycastle</a></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://twitter.com/CarersUK" target="_blank">@carersuk</a></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></strong>
<strong><span style="font-size: large;">Special thanks to</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"> our Family</span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/carersconnected/" target="_blank">Carers Connected</a></span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> </span></strong><br />
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></strong>
<strong><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></strong></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-37909087640077669632014-09-18T11:57:00.001+01:002018-08-15T13:02:48.786+01:00Answers<div class="text_exposed_root text_exposed" id="id_541ab44be316f1981603189">
Next week should hopefully be not so busy, at the moment only a doctors appointment for me next week. <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> is seeing neuro-psychiatrist tomorrow lets hope he helps, 2-3 years on and we still have no proper answers except that my husband has:<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/personality.html#whatarethepersonalitydisorde%20rs" target="_blank">Cluster B PERSONALITY DISORDER .</a><br />
<br />
<b>Antisocial personality disorder</b>: characterised by an ignorance of the entitlements of others, the absence of empathy, and (generally) a pattern of consistent criminal activity.<br />
<span class="text_exposed_hide"></span><br />
<div class="text_exposed_show">
<br />
<b>Borderline personality disorder</b>: extreme ‘black and white’ thinking and long term unstable emotions – particularly when involving relationships, identity and behaviour. These feeling can lead to both self-harm and impulsive behaviour. <br />
<br />
<b>Histrionic personality disorder</b>: attention seeking behaviour that often includes inappropriate seductive conduct and superficial or inflated emotions.<br />
<br />
<b> Narcissistic personality disorder</b>: characterised by the consistent need for praise and admiration and a belief that they are special and ‘entitled’. Extreme jealously, arrogance and a lack of empathy are also usually present.<br />
<br />
knowing my husband has cluster B explains his mental health but what about his physical health which has declined more and more over the last few years. it is so frustrating for both myself and @raspberrytalk also the so called medical professional's seem to look over his physical health and put it all down to his mental health or they just say its in your head. They are missing the fact that my husband is in pain everyday, can't walk most days and also some days he can't get out of bed because he's so fatigued. I could go on but I won't because I would be here all day. we just want answers. is it so hard for these so called medical professionals to help or even do test that have not been done.........<br />
<br />
21st October 2014<br />
<br />
so my husband saw a neuro-psychiatrist on 19th September 2014, who only focused his attention on my husbands seizures and kept saying you need to keep a diary of them and write how you felt and how you thought other people around you felt...................I tried telling the so-called specialist that there is no pattern to my husbands seizures. He totally ignored anything I was saying, anything @raspberrytalk said as well. I feel so frustrated for myself and @raspberrytalk............still no real help or answers.<br />
<br />
next week @raspberrytalk has yet another appointment to see a psychiatrist, we chased this up with the doctors to find out why and apparently the neurologist we saw a while back said my husband is very depressed really I wonder why..............<br />
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-79064637415655151772014-06-28T14:50:00.001+01:002014-06-28T14:50:37.379+01:00Importance of Supportive people<p> </p> <p>Those of you that are regular readers of my blog know that a that i wrote about the importance of support<font color="#ff0000"> </font><a href="http://carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/the-importance-of-support.html"><font color="#ff0000">http://carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/the-importance-of-support.html</font></a><font color="#ff0000"> </font></p> <p><font color="#ffffff">In this blog entry I am going to be talking about the need to have only supportive people in your life when you are a carer. My husbands family have been so supportive and i know if i need to talk I can go to them. there are also a lot of carers groups on Facebook, the people on these groups are so supportive and they never judge me either. I am thankful that these groups are out there and i am thankful to my husbands family, don’t know where I would be without all of you.</font></p> <p><a href="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-vy9rlrDmD7U/U67II4_FGfI/AAAAAAAAAzk/Ef0UzKO1wmk/s1600-h/3053_1149333135874_1193911_n%25255B9%25255D.jpg"><img title="3053_1149333135874_1193911_n" style="border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; padding-right: 0px" border="0" alt="3053_1149333135874_1193911_n" src="http://lh4.ggpht.com/-0UFftjSOJMs/U67IJt9HARI/AAAAAAAAAzs/c5W_dlHuUOc/3053_1149333135874_1193911_n_thumb%25255B5%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="260" height="164"></a> <a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-PMSFqisScsk/U67IKAhW9EI/AAAAAAAAAz0/eWURjpk5knI/s1600-h/2076_1097086989753_9087_n%25255B4%25255D.jpg"><img title="2076_1097086989753_9087_n" style="border-top: 0px; border-right: 0px; background-image: none; border-bottom: 0px; padding-top: 0px; padding-left: 0px; border-left: 0px; display: inline; padding-right: 0px" border="0" alt="2076_1097086989753_9087_n" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-GieoBWjP2Ms/U67IK9u5yhI/AAAAAAAAAz4/cfls01tLsFw/2076_1097086989753_9087_n_thumb%25255B2%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" width="201" height="248"></a></p> <p>I recently spoke to a member of my family and they said i make everything about me. to cut a very long story short this person has not actively kept in touch with me over the years. Also when i have told them about what i am going through they have replied with sorry to hear that but we all have our problems………..you would think they would ask if there is anything they can help me with or just let me know i have their support. this has not been the case and when i spoke to them earlier this week i ended up telling them to F off out of my life if they think i am selfish.</p> <p>I know some of you will say “but they’re family”, but as someone who is a carer I need to surround myself with supportive people and not negative people. I don’t have the energy to deal with negative people or people that are just not supportive. </p> <p> </p> <p>Special Thanks to</p> <p><a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank">@raspberrytalk</a> </p> <p><a href="https://twitter.com/RecoveryCastle" target="_blank">@recoverycastle</a></p> <p><a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/carersconnected/" target="_blank">@carersconnected</a></p> <p><a href="https://twitter.com/CarersUK" target="_blank">@carersuk</a></p> <p><strong>All my husbands family</strong></p> Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-79530526517163904982014-05-28T17:04:00.001+01:002014-05-29T11:20:23.230+01:00BATTLE Caree VS Carer<br />
<a href="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-CzpTzo8g4zo/U4YJE-2vI9I/AAAAAAAAAyU/zLtjyxLuD5s/s1600-h/untitled4.png"><img alt="untitled" border="0" src="http://lh5.ggpht.com/-jgDL2oqpsAA/U4YJFV59KBI/AAAAAAAAAyc/aTPfY7h6pmU/untitled_thumb2.png?imgmax=800" height="153" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="untitled" width="240" /></a><br />
I was in two minds to write this blog entry and that is probably why i have waited so long to write it………..anyway here goes………….<br />
I am sure a lot of other carers will be able to relate to what I am going to write about. I love my husband very much and he loves me very much, but since I have become his carer there has been a battle going on between us. <br />
My husband can be very stubborn and so can I. Also my husband is still coming to terms with the fact that he is ill/disabled and needs a carer. So because of this most days he will not listen to me. I seem to know his limits more than him and i seem to know when he’s doing to much. It doesn't take much for my husbands body to get worn out, he will do something as simple as to try and make a cup of coffee and he will be tired. But despite the fact he knows all this and I'm always telling him, he will still try and do things he just can no longer do. It’s even worse when we go out anywhere. He will refuse to use his wheelchair and he will also sometimes get frustrated when i tell him not to do something because I know the affect it will have on him… <br />
Some days I do feel like I'm constantly telling my husband no. I almost feel like a mother telling her child to stop being naughty! This is not how i want mine and my husbands relationship to be like, I want to care for him but i hate what sometimes seems like a constant battle between <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/carerslives/aboutcaring/Pages/Whatisacarer.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Carer</span></a> vs Caree.<br />
A few weeks ago i was really struggling with my caring role because i felt like i was forever having a battle with the person i love so much. I even thought about not being my husbands carer any more because of the battling, I felt it was affecting our personal relationship which being a carer for a loved one can do. <br />
So what stopped me? I think it was mainly the support of other carers on <a href="https://www.facebook.com/groups/carersconnected/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Carers Connected</span></a>. Just letting how I felt out and then being told it was normal and just knowing the support is there for me (even if only emotional support) from people that understand how I feel. <br />I did eventually speak to my husband about how i was feeling and he admitted he is a handful…the battle is still going on, some days worse than others and I think there is no real solution to this, but we’re both aware of it and trying …..<br />
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One of the lovely ladies who runs the page Carers Connected also runs <a href="http://recoverycastle.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Recovery Castle</span></a> was founded in 2012 by individuals affected from a range of mental health difficulties. It aims to encourage and empower those affected by mental health difficulties through peer support, both online and through local community workshops.<br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/carersvent" target="_blank"><span style="color: red; font-size: x-small;">Carers Vent Twitter</span></a><br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank"><span style="color: red; font-size: x-small;">Raspberrytalk Twitter</span></a><br />
<a href="https://www.facebook.com/carersvent" target="_blank"><span style="color: red; font-size: x-small;">Carers Vent Facebook</span></a><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><strong></strong></span><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-71674847082038809212014-03-19T17:29:00.003+00:002014-03-19T17:32:01.907+00:00Almost lost it!<h4 class="text_exposed_root text_exposed">
<span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Almost lost it big time at the doctors today, the stupid reception lady told my husband to walk up a flight of stairs. When my husband said to her I don't think I can manage the stairs she giggled and said just take your time...WTF <br /><br /> doesn't end there my husband is stubborn so tried doing the stairs, I couldn't leave him to get help so I started getting very angry and verbal. eventually someone ca<span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span></span><span class="text_exposed_show" style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">me along and asked if we where o.k and I said no.<br /><br /> The lady said why didn't you tell the receptionist you can't do the stairs both me and my husband replied and said we did. i said the trouble is they never notice the stick that husband has to use.<br /><br /> Cut this long story short my husband ended up collapsing on the stairs....<br /><br /> The doctor was amazing, she even took us out the back when it came to us leaving.</span></span></h4>
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</span><span class="userContent" data-ft="{"tn":"K"}"><span class="text_exposed_show"><span style="color: red; font-size: large;">After this happening today I am wondering how many people don't see my husbands stick or the fact he struggles with every step he takes.</span> </span></span></h3>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-17520281174267012202014-03-19T10:44:00.002+00:002014-03-20T14:23:12.394+00:00Brave Raspberrytalk<h3>
Good morning all @raspberrytalk wrote the following message on @facebook last night. I wanted to share it with you all because I am so proud of @raspberrytalk for writing this, it must of taken all the courage he can gather to write it. Oh and before you all ask he has given me his permission to share this. Lets all be more open about our mental health.</h3>
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<span class="userContent">To my friends and family, just so you all know and I can stand up and say it ... deep breath ....</span><br />
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<span class="userContent">I have mental health problems!</span><br />
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<span class="userContent">As well as my physical and neurological health issues, I have Cluster B Personality Disorder (look it up!) with rage control issues, Panic Disorder, Social Anxiety Disorder, Agoraphobia and good old fashioned Depression (no, that doesn't mean "being a bit sad or down" and yes, I do consider killing myself on a fairly regular basis). <span class="text_exposed_hide">...</span><span class="text_exposed_show"><br /> My seizures are apparently Conversion Disorder (which is part of Functional Neurological Disorder), which according to my psychiatrist means they're all in my head, but according to my psychologist they're physical/neurological! Those of you that have had the pleasure of witnessing them can make your own minds up about that bit <i class="_4-k1 img sp_5bj5js sx_03d291"></i><br /><br /> Am I ashamed? Yeah, a bit. Actually quite a lot!<br /> Do I think people, including friends and family, look at me differently? Yeah, a bit. Or I could just be paranoid .... yeah, add that to the list! lol<br /><br /> But more than anything else? ..... I am just so totally and utterly fucking terrified all the time about what the hell is happening to me and what is going to happen next, what am I going to do to my friends and family and how the hell is my beautiful wife supposed to deal with it all <i class="_4-k1 img sp_5bj5js sx_c10499"></i><br /><br /> Am I upset, shaking and almost in tears while I write this...? What do you think?<br /> (well, the shaking bit is a given since I generally do this most of the time anyway! <i class="_4-k1 img sp_5bj5js sx_03d291"></i> ) <br /><br /><br /> I've actually just spent the last 10 minutes staring at the screen trying to decide whether or not to press "Share"</span></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.huffingtonpost.ca/diane-bederman/mental-illness-canada_b_4952460.html?utm_hp_ref=fb&ir=Canada+Alberta&utm_source=hootsuite&utm_campaign=hootsuite&src=sp&comm_ref=false" target="_blank">huffingtonpost.ca mental-illness</a></h3>
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#<a href="http://www.time-to-change.org.uk/" target="_blank">TimetoTalk</a>.</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-81361395592274813952014-03-04T20:28:00.001+00:002014-03-20T14:23:38.857+00:00MENTAL?<br />
<a href="http://www.mentalhealth.org.uk/help-information/an-introduction-to-mental-health/what-is-mental-health/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Mental Health</span></a> is something most of us avoid talking about, especially when it’s the mental health of someone dear to us. In my case it is my husband (@raspberrytalk).<br />I love my husband very much and he loves me very much as well. But with that said neither of us can control his mental health and sometimes I want to just pack my bags and go. Out of all the problems my husband has, I find the mental health side of things the most difficult to deal with. <br />
Ever since I have known my husband he has always had a aggressive side to him, which over the years I have tried to deal with and I always thought it was my fault. But I found out from talking to my husband that he has always had this side to him. He has even admitted that whenever he and his first wife argued this more aggressive side of him would come out. He even believes that this may be the main reason his first wife left.<br />
The following are e<span style="font-size: x-small;">xtracts of a <a href="http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-psychological-assessment/0005890" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">psychological assessment</span></a> conducted by Dr Pamela McGeoch, <a href="http://www.nhscareers.nhs.uk/explore-by-career/psychological-therapies/careers-in-psychological-therapies/psychologist/clinical-psychologist/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">clinical psychologist</span></a>, </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">3rd march 2013 </span><br />
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“…he continues to exhibit a rage problem with <a href="http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/personality.html#whatarethepersonalitydisorders" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">cluster b personality disturbances</span></a> and exhibited intimidation towards his wife and the interviewer...” </blockquote>
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“…the patient was found to be too emotionally unstable, physically unwell due to chronic pain, and too aggressive to conduct a thorough in depth <a href="http://psychcentral.com/lib/what-is-psychological-assessment/0005890" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">psychological assessment</span></a> …” </blockquote>
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“…a report also states that the patient stated that his first wife left because she was afraid of what he may do to her when in a rage…”</blockquote>
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“…he showed some concern for the effects of his physical condition and his <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Aggression" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">aggression</span></a> on his wife and some awareness of his inability to contain this. He reported that ‘when ROB comes out, my wife ends up lying screaming on the floor. I have no control over it, I can’t stop it from happening, I can’t even apologize.’…” <br />
“…The patient and his wife together reported that he has not <a href="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Assault" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">physically assaulted</span></a> her at any time. However the interviewer was concerned for her physical safety, particularly if she tried to leave the patient and for the current <a href="http://www.counselingcenter.illinois.edu/self-help-brochures/relationship-problems/emotional-abuse/" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">emotional intimidation</span></a> and likely verbal abuse she is experiencing…” <br />
“…The patient was found not to be suitable for <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/conditions/psychotherapy/Pages/Introduction.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">psychotherapy</span></a> due to the level of his instability and violence. Identifying appropriate treatment resources including <a href="http://www.counselling-directory.org.uk/anger.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">anger management</span></a> in a suitable facility for the level of expressed violence is recommended as there is significant current risk of violence…” <br />
“…anything further that can be done to relieve the patients physical condition such as referrals to spin or nerve damage specialist is recommended…” </blockquote>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">As you can see they talk more about aggression and they even give it a name. In some respects it was somewhat a relief that how he was getting was a mental health problem and something he has no control over. It also confirmed to me that it was not anything I was doing or making him do. Also because he had been diagnosed with a mental health condition, we both thought this would mean that he would get some real help and also that I would be given some help and assistance in knowing how to handle his mental health. Strangely enough this assessment was carried out a year ago yesterday and nothing has happened! No help for me or my husband with managing his mental health.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">The doctors at our new GP’s are aware of my husband’s mental health problems, yet they have not offered any help or even made any referrals for us to get the help we both need. My husband recently asked our GP if there was any news about the referral to the specialist <span style="font-size: x-small;"><a href="http://www.uclh.nhs.uk/ourservices/servicea-z/neuro/npsy/pages/home.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">neuro-psychiatrist</span></a> that Dr Broeker, Consultant Psychiatrist, had recommended back in May last year. Our GP told him that he knew nothing about it (not true, we’d seen the letter at a previous appointment) and that it was my husband’s responsibility to chase up the psychiatrist. We had to write to the psychiatrist to ask him to write to our GP to request a referral again. Surely not something patients with mental health problems should be being made to do!? </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;"><span style="font-size: x-small;">As you will see from his care plan/report, the psychiatrist was also concerned about my health and how I was managing with being the prime carer for my husband.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">“The patients wife has increasing difficulty to cope with the demands on her and the patient feels that he is a burden to his wife.”</span></blockquote>
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<span style="font-size: x-small;">“his wife is very supportive and his wife will be offered a <a href="http://www.nhs.uk/CarersDirect/guide/assessments/Pages/Carersassessments.aspx" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">carers assessment</span></a> as she appears to struggle increasingly with looking after the patient.” </span></blockquote>
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Well I have had 2 carers assessments since last May and nothing has changed. At my first assessment I was given out of date leaflets and at the second one I was told to try and have some time to myself ….. REALLY!? They have not got a clue …….<br />With that said, I did get the details of Action For Family Carers who have helped me and my husband as much as they can. They even got me referred to CBT which has surprisingly helped me. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">But we still have not be offered any real help with my husband’s mental health, or for me with help dealing with his out bursts, etc. At both carers assessments I was asked if I felt I was in immediate danger. I always say no to this question because, yes my husband can have outbursts of violence but, he has never physically tried to harm me. But his mental health problems are effecting my own mental health wellbeing, which is something that needs to be changed because I have got to a point where I have given up!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">I really don’t have the strength any more to deal with his outbursts, which I know sounds harsh but, I am mentally exhausted and really don’t know what I should do ….</span><br />
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<span style="color: red; font-size: small;">So Why Stay?</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Whenever I ask myself this question the answer is simple; my husband is one of the most caring people I know. I fell in love with this guy who was and still is the most sweet natured person you could meet. I love him warts and all as they say. <br />Also </span><span style="font-size: x-small;">the way I look at mental health problems is that they are just like any other health issue - it is just something which has happened to that person.<br />Like I have already said my husband is a caring, loving person and is amazing because, despite what he’s going through, he is always only worried about how all this is effecting me and what he can do to make things easier for me. I think this is one of the reasons he wants me to publish this blog entry; after all he always encouraged me to start this blog as a place for me to “vent out”. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: x-small;"></span><br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/01460906630971374644noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-579922052075438660.post-26788265774273760042014-02-26T18:54:00.001+00:002014-02-28T16:36:36.322+00:00Benefit scrounger…………….Yeah Right<br />
As promised, I am going to have a big rant about the Media and MP's calling anyone who does not work a scrounger. Me and<span style="color: red;"> </span><a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">#raspberrytalk</span></a> used to run a photography business called<span style="color: red;"> </span><a href="https://www.facebook.com/campbellphotographic?fref=ts" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">Campbell Photographic</span></a> <br />
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Running your own business is a lot of work because you have to do a lot of admin as well as the actual job. Also there’s meetings with potential clients, marketing, etc … the list goes on. So me and #raspberrytalk are not what some people call “work shy”, we are both far from it. Before we ran our own business I worked as a sales assistant and #raspberrytalk was a Senior Store Designer for Sainsbury's. Both my job and #raspberrytalk’s could mean long hours and sometimes for #raspberrytalk it meant days, even weeks, away from home.<br />My husband was someone who could run a business meeting of contractors, architects, etc, or someone who could organise and keep happy 300+ people at a wedding for group photos, etc. When we ran our photography business we would both have to interact with people we only met once or would not meet until the day of a photoshoot. My husband was a very confident, strong willed man. These days #raspberrytalk suffers massive panic attacks at the thought of going out to the supermarket to do food shopping, or hides trembling in the kitchen if someone comes to the front door. Sometimes he has really bad aggressive outbursts when he will scream and shout at people or himself, but then he’ll try to stop and control himself by self harming. He will scratching himself until he bleeds or hit himself in the face/on the head and punch or head butt walls in a panic. <br />Physically, a good day for him is a day where he can have a shower and wash his hair (with my help of course) without collapsing from exhaustion. A bad day will mean staying in bed crying because of the constant pain, unable to think clearly or speak properly and drifting in and out of sleep because of the fatigue (but never feeling rested or refreshed). He has not got the physical energy needed to do a job and because of his mental health problems there is no way he would be able to interact with people safely. For those of you that don’t know what problems my husband has, go to the <a href="http://carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/p/we.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">WELCOME PAGE</span></a>. <span style="font-size: small;">Now ask yourself, could you work if you had just one of those problems let alone all of them?</span> Choosing to be my husband’s <a href="http://www.carers.org/what-carer" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">CARER</span></a> was a natural but by no means a easy one. It meant I could no longer work because my husband needs continual care and supervision. This meant money would be tight assuming the DWP recognised the fact that my husband is ill and needs a carer. Those of you that regularly read my blog will know that we have had to battle to get the <a href="https://www.gov.uk/browse/benefits" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">benefits</span></a> we are on currently. We had to fight to get his <a href="https://www.gov.uk/dla-disability-living-allowance-benefit" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">DLA</span></a>. It took over a year for the decision to be overturned at tribunal, which meant during that time I was not allowed to apply for <a href="http://www.carers.org/carers-allowance" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">CARERS ALLOWANCE</span></a>.<br />During that time #raspberrytalks conditions had also gotten at lot worse, which meant by the time he was awarded middle rate care he could barely walk! So we then had to reapply to get his mobility award … which is another story! My husband is also receiving<span style="color: red;"> </span><a href="https://www.gov.uk/employment-support-allowance" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">ESA</span></a> which, after 6 months on assessment rate, he was sent for a Work Capability Assessment with <a href="http://www.atoshealthcare.com/claimants" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">ATOS</span></a>. You can read about his horrific ordeal here – <a href="http://carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/2012/08/the-day-my-husband-became-child.html" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">#raspberrytalks WCA horror story</span></a>.<br /> I'm sure a lot of you have heard a lot about ATOS and their assessments and trust me, the bad stuff you’ve heard is true. Me and #raspberytalk know first hand what these guys are really like. After going through what could only be called torture, mentally and physically, for both myself and #raspberrytalk he got granted his ESA under <span style="color: red;">regulation 35.2</span><span style="color: red;">.</span> <strong><span style="color: white;">Certain claimants to be treated as having limited capability for work-related activity.</span></strong><strong><br /><span style="color: white;">35.—(1) A claimant is to be treated as having limited capability for work-related activity if—</span></strong><br /><span style="color: #c0504d;"><strong><span style="color: white;">(a)the claimant is terminally ill;<br />(b)the claimant is—<br />(i)receiving treatment by way of intravenous, intraperitoneal or intrathecal chemotherapy; or<br />(ii)recovering from that treatment and the Secretary of State is satisfied that the claimant should be treated as having limited capability for work-related activity; or<br />(c)in the case of a woman, she is pregnant and there is a serious risk of damage to her health or to the health of her unborn child if she does not refrain from work-related activity.</span><br /><span style="color: red; font-size: small;">(<span style="font-size: x-small;">2) A claimant who does not have limited capability for work-related activity as determined in accordance with regulation 34(1) is to be treated as having limited capability for work-related activity if—<br />(a)the claimant suffers from some specific disease or bodily or mental disablement; and<br />(b)by reasons of such disease or disablement, there would be a substantial risk to the mental or physical health of any person if the claimant were found not to have limited capability for work-related activity</span>. </span></strong></span><br />
<span style="color: white; font-size: x-small;">For now both me and #raspberrytalk are getting benefits. I’m currently getting Carer’s Allowance, but this is only because he won his<span style="color: red;"> </span><a href="https://www.gov.uk/appeal-benefit" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">appeal</span></a> for DLA (which is going to have to renewed later this year). We get joint ESA, which we had to renew before Christmas and we are still waiting to hear back ………….</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Sounds like a lot but it’s not. I get Carer’s Allowance, £59.75, but as this is classed as income (35hrs+ per week for £59?? Well below minimum wage Mr Cameron!) our ESA is reduced by the same amount, which does make me wonder why I even claim carer’s allowance. But any money is better than none, especially with all the changes to other benefits such as <a href="https://www.gov.uk/housing-benefit" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">housing benefit</span></a>, etc. We do get an extra Carers Premium of £30 because of #raspberrytalk’s level of disability, but it’s still not a lot.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-small;">Even being on these benefits we struggle to pay bills. When we go food shopping we always look in the reduced section, we look for the best deals and when we do eat we always reuse any leftovers for another meal. Nearly all of our clothes are bought from charity shops. We don’t go out every other week for a meal or buy ourselves nice things. We did go out for my 40th birthday, but that was a treat and we saved for the whole year for it. Despite what the media would have you believe we don’t go away on loads of expensive holidays - we haven’t had a proper holiday since 2005, except for a reduced, last minute weekend at Warner because the car service cost less than we had allowed for and a couple of visits to #raspberrytalks dad in Scotland.</span><br />
So anyway, I am now having to be a full time carer, which is a lot harder to do than a normal 9-5 job or run a business. As a carer you get paid less than <a href="https://www.gov.uk/national-minimum-wage-rates" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">minimum wage</span></a> and in some cases you never get time off. We live in constant anxiety and stress because we never know what each day, hour or even minute is going to be like because of my husband conditions. We live in constant fear of the dreaded “brown envelopes” arriving or debt collectors banging on our door because of the money we owe. Also when you do eventually get offered some help, it is usually very little, not really suitable and usually too late.<br />
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So what’s the real point of this rant? I just wish the media would stop focusing on the people that are clearly not in the same situation as me and raspberrytalk or the majority of real people out there that are in need. I really wish that certain MPs and TV shows would stop calling anyone on benefits scroungers, work shy, malingerers, etc. <br />I don’t want to get political but the MPs are really making things worse by shouting their mouths off about something they really know nothing about.<br />
I hate the fact that we have to live on benefits and will probably be on them for the rest of my life. #raspberrytalk hates the fact that he can no longer provide for me and himself. He is also frustrated that he can’t do any of things he did before he became ill or that he has to rely on someone else to look after him.<br />
I really wish just one of those MP’s could step into my shoes for even just one week or month. <br />
Special thanks go to:<br />
<strong><span style="font-size: medium;"><em>Raspberrytalk’s family for their continued love and support.</em></span></strong><br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/action4carers" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">@action4carers</span></a><br />
<a href="mailto:action4carers@carersuk" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">@carersuk</span></a><br />
<a href="http://www.carersuk.org/" target="_blank"><img alt="1185320_10151832230349004_1616091180_n" border="0" src="http://lh6.ggpht.com/-Q_hjplklHKM/Uw44d_J0Z0I/AAAAAAAAAqc/uBtcFkOzywc/1185320_10151832230349004_1616091180%25255B1%25255D.jpg?imgmax=800" height="99" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="1185320_10151832230349004_1616091180_n" width="87" /></a><a href="https://twitter.com/CarewellUK" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;"></span></a><br />
<span style="color: red;">@carewelluk</span><br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/carersweek" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">@carersweek</span></a><br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/HelensBeadBox" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;"><u></u></span></a><span style="color: red;"><u><a href="https://twitter.com/HelensBeadBox" target="_blank"><img alt="sam pledge" border="0" src="http://lh3.ggpht.com/-JFYG6HxgOx8/Uw44eTKXhvI/AAAAAAAAAqg/hd3kkhHoVs0/sam-pledge6.jpg?imgmax=800" height="111" style="background-image: none; border-width: 0px; display: inline; padding-left: 0px; padding-right: 0px; padding-top: 0px;" title="sam pledge" width="269" /></a></u></span><br />
<span style="color: red;"><u>@helensbeadbox</u></span><br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/robinwickens" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">@robinwickens</span></a> <br />
<a href="https://twitter.com/priti4witham" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">@pritipatel</span></a> (yes she’s an MP, but she has helped me and <a href="https://twitter.com/raspberrytalk" target="_blank"><span style="color: red;">@raspberrytalk</span></a> with the DWP). <br />
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