Here We Go Again

As most of my regular followers know, @raspberrytalk has non-epileptic seizures which he has been having since last may. Those of you that are reading my blog for the 1st time - just read this link seizures.

We have recently been looking after my mother-in-law's cats, Bill and Ben. This morning Bill was acting not like his usual self - he was constanly moewing at us and jumping up onto the bed. Now most people will say he was asking for food, but this is not his way of asking and normally only ever goes on the bed if we're not there or already asleep.
Anyway, at one point Bill was sitting on raspberrytalk's chest and just staring at him as if he was waiting for something to happen....

Well a few minutes later something did happen - #raspberrytalk started to have a massive seizure!
It must have lasted at least 20 minutes - or it felt like that. Unlike epileptic seizures #raspberrytalk is aware of what is happening and can feel everything (his seizures are musclular and extruciatingly painful), but just like an epileptic seizure he can not communicate or do anything about it.

Throughout this seizure Bill the cat stayed with #raspberrytalk - that was until #raspberrytalk accidently kicked him of the bed.
But rather than Bill getting grumpy he just sat on the floor looking at #raspberrytalk. I swear Bill knew this was going to happen and I know most people say cats don't really care about us, but I challange that view. If you saw how Bill is with #raspberrytalk and how he takes care of him, you would too.
Afterwards, while #raspberrytalk was recovering, Bill jumped up on the bed again nuzzled up to him and started meowing again. Moments later #raspberrytalk was off again with another massive seizure, this time Bill was quick enough to jump out of the way.

So how was I coping with all this? I did what I usally do - make sure #raspberrytalk was safe. But inside my heart was breaking because I could see the pain he was feeling during his seizures. This is one of the most frustrating things. I can see he's in pain but there's nothing I can do.
After each of his big seizures, #raspberrytalk had what I call his "aftershocks" - smaller less intense seizures and muscle twiching. After the last big one was over he couldn't move one of his legs and his hands/arms kept twitching and spasming. #raspberrytalk describes this as someone else having control over his hands - a bit like the Seth Green film Idle Hands

As I'm writing this #raspberrytalk is in bed asleep, with Bill on the bed watching over him. It's amazing how much effect having cats around has on you and how you feel. Apparently they actually use cats as therapy in some hospitals.

So that was an interesting morning ... also as I'm writing this I'm listening to some tunes just to take myself away from everything. #raspberrytalk often says he's the one having the health problems, but I'm the one who suffers from them, lol

Joking about it is his way of dealing with it, because I know he's really worried about me and how I'm having to deal with it all. I'm the one that has to keep it together.

And you know what? Sometimes I do feel like I'm gonna go mad or just snap.

Take care of each
Carer's Vent