Being A Carer

Me and @raspberrytalk on our Wedding Day
So when my raspberrytalk's health started to decline, I automatically became his carer.
Why did I do this?
well at the time i thought i would be the best person to do the job because me and raspberrytalk are so close and i've known him for over 17yrs.

Me and Raspberrytalk a few years before his health started to decline.

What I never realised at the time was what a toll being a carer would have on my emotional well being. I also never realised it would have such an impact on my general health too.

Because both raspberrytalk's physical and mental health conditions are so up and down,I never know what one minute/hour/day is going to be like. family and friends tell me to try and relax more, but it's hard to do when you just don't know what is going to happen from one minute to the next.

Don't get me wrong, I did know being a carer would be hard but I never thought it would be as hard as it actually is! lol
I'm sure there are many other carers that feel the same way and find themselves feeling guilty because they want a break.

This week me and raspberrytalk thought about going to the cinema. we don't often get out and we both really want to see the new Simon Pegg & co movie, The World's End.
As we walked from the car park to the cinema we noticed a lot more children than usual hanging about ... and then I remembered the summer holidays have started!
well as soon as I saw how many people where queueing up inside the cinema I knew it would be a problem. Since his health has declined raspberrytalk has not been able to do crowded places because of his mental health problems. So we decided not to go into the cinema because it may have caused raspberrytalk to have a panic attack.

Raspberrytalk doing what he loves January 2010
yes I was frustrated but I have to think of raspberrytalk's health, whether that be his mental health or physical health. Having to deal with seeing raspberrytalk's physical decline is frustrating and emotionally draining enough, but on top of all of this i'm having to see his mental health decline as well.
People ask me how do I cope? And you know what? I don't know if I am truely coping. My reply is usally "you've just got to get on with it because it's the cards you've been given".

being a carer is one of the hardest things to do because, if like me you're caring for someone you love, it can be emotionally draining and there are times when you just want the person/life to be how it was before that person's health declined.

I still think there is not enough help out there for carers, especially for carers that are having to deal with mental health issues.

like i said earlier, my own emotional well being has been effected. i have to take pills to help balance me out but, even with being on them, i still feel like screaming/crying most days.
why do i feel like this? because i am watching someone i love go through pain everyday and watching the person i met years ago slowly slip away. And that's the hardest part of all.

take care of each other
carer's vent

1 comment:

  1. You never realise how draining caring can be until you have to do it for someone you love or to be on the receiving end. Tiredness,guilt and grief for the life you expected to have affects both. Facing painful daily reminders of what used to be,can drag you down too as I'm sure you know. Your only human and doing your best what more could you do? Mental illness is so difficult because its unpredictable. Its like your walking on glass, always alert trying to pick up signals of what mood they might be in. Not wanting to say the wrong thing that might trigger upset. Your stress level ready to blow. I'm just sorry I can't be of much help to you but please try to look after yourself as well. Try Yoga or relaxation classes or anything of interest so you have something just for yourself to look forward to. If your pills help,take them if not go back to the Doctors. Please don't hold the screams in,get some pressure release some how even if its a chat with a friend or just a very very brisk walk! When I get stressed about certain things I actively think "Can I do anything about it". If I can, I will and if I cant I stop churning it over and over in my head as I'm only hurting myself. What's the point.
    Your not a bad person, everyone needs help sometime the key is finding it.

    Keep looking

    A friendly Voice