Many of you that read my blog frequently will know about Rob. For those of you that are new to following my blog, I recomend you read this link - The 3 people I live with - before you read this blog entry.
Rob does not appear much these days, I don't know why. He did briefly rear his ugly head while @Raspberrytalk was doing some "relaxation" breathing exercises at a Psychological Assessement. That was a few months back and I had hoped that that would be the last I'd see and hear from him.
But no such luck. #Raspberrytalk was sitting out in his Dad's garden when he started to feel dizzy. I decided to take #Raspberrytalk into the house and while trying to get him into the house he fell onto his knees, bashing his arm while trying to break his fall. After a few minutes I managed to get him back to his feet and over to the sofa and I just knew he was not right by the way he was breathing. I tried my best to get him to slow his breathing down, but it seemed the more I tried the more he was hyperventilating.
As this was happening I could see that he had clenched his fists and was grinding his teeth. This could only mean one thing ... Rob was trying to come out to play and #Raspberry was trying to hold him back.
While I was trying to calm him down I kept asking #Raspberrytalk to look at me. When he finally did and I saw his eyes, I could see it was Rob and not #Raspberrytalk. It's hard to explain but his eyes change from being kind eyes to eyes that are filled with anger and hatred.
As calmly as I could I told Rob to go away and leave my husband alone. But before I knew it, I was having to restrain Rob/Raspberrytalk because he was trying to hurt himself by hitting his head (which he did do a few times before I had a chance to grab his wrists).
When I did finally restrain him Rob tried fitting back, but I could tell #Raspberrytalk was trying to hold him back too. My husband is far stronger than me and if Rob ever got full control I'd never really be able to restrain him.
After a few minutes #Raspberrytalk pulled me to him and wrapped his arms around me and was crying out through clenched teeth as if in great pain and was squeezing me really tight. What I didn't see until afterwards was that, as always, Rob was fighting back and was digging his nails into #Raspberrytalks arms and scratching him.
While this was going on #Raspberrytalk's Dad was watching it all happen. I could see this was really upsetting him and as soon as I could I went over to him and comforted him. I told him I know it's hard to see, but #Raspberry will be ok. I could see by the look in his eyes that he was scared for his son, frustrated at not being able to make everything better and wanted his son to be well again.
Luckily Rob didn't stay around for too long and he didn't get verbal, which would not have been good.
Fighting with Rob always takes it's toll on both me and #Raspberrytalk. As usually happens he ended up collapsing with exhaustion and having to sleep for rest of the evening, while me, #Raspberrytalk's Dad and Step Mum spent the time dealing with the emotional fallout that #Raspberrytalk's psychological, psychiatrict, neurological and physical events always leave in their wake.
I think there needs to be some sort of training made available for people that have to care for a loved one with these sort of issues, but there seem to be none that I can find that don't have hefty fees attached!
#Raspberrytalk's Dad did say to me that I was doing a brilliant job taking care of his son. Raspberrytalk also told me later that his Dad said I'm a very strong woman. I hope I can stay strong .....
Take care of each other