18/08/2013
02/08/2013
Being A Carer
 |
| Me and @raspberrytalk on our Wedding Day |
Why did I do this?
well at the time i thought i would be the best person to do the job because me and raspberrytalk are so close and i've known him for over 17yrs.
 |
| Me and Raspberrytalk a few years before his health started to decline. |
What I never realised at the time was what a toll being a carer would have on my emotional well being. I also never realised it would have such an impact on my general health too.
Because both raspberrytalk's physical and mental health conditions are so up and down,I never know what one minute/hour/day is going to be like. family and friends tell me to try and relax more, but it's hard to do when you just don't know what is going to happen from one minute to the next.
Don't get me wrong, I did know being a carer would be hard but I never thought it would be as hard as it actually is! lol
I'm sure there are many other carers that feel the same way and find themselves feeling guilty because they want a break.
This week me and raspberrytalk thought about going to the cinema. we don't often get out and we both really want to see the new Simon Pegg & co movie, The World's End.
As we walked from the car park to the cinema we noticed a lot more children than usual hanging about ... and then I remembered the summer holidays have started!
well as soon as I saw how many people where queueing up inside the cinema I knew it would be a problem. Since his health has declined raspberrytalk has not been able to do crowded places because of his mental health problems. So we decided not to go into the cinema because it may have caused raspberrytalk to have a panic attack.
 |
| Raspberrytalk doing what he loves January 2010 |
People ask me how do I cope? And you know what? I don't know if I am truely coping. My reply is usally "you've just got to get on with it because it's the cards you've been given".
being a carer is one of the hardest things to do because, if like me you're caring for someone you love, it can be emotionally draining and there are times when you just want the person/life to be how it was before that person's health declined.
I still think there is not enough help out there for carers, especially for carers that are having to deal with mental health issues.
like i said earlier, my own emotional well being has been effected. i have to take pills to help balance me out but, even with being on them, i still feel like screaming/crying most days.
why do i feel like this? because i am watching someone i love go through pain everyday and watching the person i met years ago slowly slip away. And that's the hardest part of all.
take care of each other
carer's vent
30/07/2013
Here We Go Again
As most of my regular followers know, @raspberrytalk has non-epileptic seizures which he has been having since last may. Those of you that are reading my blog for the 1st time - just read this link seizures.
We have recently been looking after my mother-in-law's cats, Bill and Ben. This morning Bill was acting not like his usual self - he was constanly moewing at us and jumping up onto the bed. Now most people will say he was asking for food, but this is not his way of asking and normally only ever goes on the bed if we're not there or already asleep.
Anyway, at one point Bill was sitting on raspberrytalk's chest and just staring at him as if he was waiting for something to happen....
Well a few minutes later something did happen - #raspberrytalk started to have a massive seizure!
It must have lasted at least 20 minutes - or it felt like that. Unlike epileptic seizures #raspberrytalk is aware of what is happening and can feel everything (his seizures are musclular and extruciatingly painful), but just like an epileptic seizure he can not communicate or do anything about it.
Throughout this seizure Bill the cat stayed with #raspberrytalk - that was until #raspberrytalk accidently kicked him of the bed.
But rather than Bill getting grumpy he just sat on the floor looking at #raspberrytalk. I swear Bill knew this was going to happen and I know most people say cats don't really care about us, but I challange that view. If you saw how Bill is with #raspberrytalk and how he takes care of him, you would too.
Afterwards, while #raspberrytalk was recovering, Bill jumped up on the bed again nuzzled up to him and started meowing again. Moments later #raspberrytalk was off again with another massive seizure, this time Bill was quick enough to jump out of the way.
So how was I coping with all this? I did what I usally do - make sure #raspberrytalk was safe. But inside my heart was breaking because I could see the pain he was feeling during his seizures. This is one of the most frustrating things. I can see he's in pain but there's nothing I can do.
After each of his big seizures, #raspberrytalk had what I call his "aftershocks" - smaller less intense seizures and muscle twiching. After the last big one was over he couldn't move one of his legs and his hands/arms kept twitching and spasming. #raspberrytalk describes this as someone else having control over his hands - a bit like the Seth Green film Idle Hands
As I'm writing this #raspberrytalk is in bed asleep, with Bill on the bed watching over him. It's amazing how much effect having cats around has on you and how you feel. Apparently they actually use cats as therapy in some hospitals.
So that was an interesting morning ... also as I'm writing this I'm listening to some tunes just to take myself away from everything. #raspberrytalk often says he's the one having the health problems, but I'm the one who suffers from them, lol
Joking about it is his way of dealing with it, because I know he's really worried about me and how I'm having to deal with it all. I'm the one that has to keep it together.
And you know what? Sometimes I do feel like I'm gonna go mad or just snap.
Take care of each
Carer's Vent
We have recently been looking after my mother-in-law's cats, Bill and Ben. This morning Bill was acting not like his usual self - he was constanly moewing at us and jumping up onto the bed. Now most people will say he was asking for food, but this is not his way of asking and normally only ever goes on the bed if we're not there or already asleep.
Anyway, at one point Bill was sitting on raspberrytalk's chest and just staring at him as if he was waiting for something to happen....
Well a few minutes later something did happen - #raspberrytalk started to have a massive seizure!
It must have lasted at least 20 minutes - or it felt like that. Unlike epileptic seizures #raspberrytalk is aware of what is happening and can feel everything (his seizures are musclular and extruciatingly painful), but just like an epileptic seizure he can not communicate or do anything about it.
Throughout this seizure Bill the cat stayed with #raspberrytalk - that was until #raspberrytalk accidently kicked him of the bed.
But rather than Bill getting grumpy he just sat on the floor looking at #raspberrytalk. I swear Bill knew this was going to happen and I know most people say cats don't really care about us, but I challange that view. If you saw how Bill is with #raspberrytalk and how he takes care of him, you would too.
Afterwards, while #raspberrytalk was recovering, Bill jumped up on the bed again nuzzled up to him and started meowing again. Moments later #raspberrytalk was off again with another massive seizure, this time Bill was quick enough to jump out of the way.
So how was I coping with all this? I did what I usally do - make sure #raspberrytalk was safe. But inside my heart was breaking because I could see the pain he was feeling during his seizures. This is one of the most frustrating things. I can see he's in pain but there's nothing I can do.
After each of his big seizures, #raspberrytalk had what I call his "aftershocks" - smaller less intense seizures and muscle twiching. After the last big one was over he couldn't move one of his legs and his hands/arms kept twitching and spasming. #raspberrytalk describes this as someone else having control over his hands - a bit like the Seth Green film Idle Hands
As I'm writing this #raspberrytalk is in bed asleep, with Bill on the bed watching over him. It's amazing how much effect having cats around has on you and how you feel. Apparently they actually use cats as therapy in some hospitals.
So that was an interesting morning ... also as I'm writing this I'm listening to some tunes just to take myself away from everything. #raspberrytalk often says he's the one having the health problems, but I'm the one who suffers from them, lol
Joking about it is his way of dealing with it, because I know he's really worried about me and how I'm having to deal with it all. I'm the one that has to keep it together.
And you know what? Sometimes I do feel like I'm gonna go mad or just snap.
Take care of each
Carer's Vent
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)