Importance of Supportive people

 

Those of you that are regular readers of my blog know that a that i wrote about the importance of support http://carersvent.blogspot.co.uk/2012/12/the-importance-of-support.html

In this blog entry I am going to be talking about the need to have only supportive people  in your life when you are a carer. My husbands family have been so supportive and i know if i need to talk I can go to them. there are also a lot of carers groups on Facebook, the people on these groups are so supportive and they never judge me either. I am thankful that these groups are out there and i am thankful to my husbands family, don’t know where I would be without all of you.

  

I recently spoke to a member of my family and they said i make everything about me. to cut a very long story short this person has not actively kept in touch with me over the years. Also when i have told them about what i am going through they have replied with sorry to hear that but we all have our problems………..you would think they would ask if there is anything they can help me with or just let me know i have their support. this has not been the case and when i spoke to them earlier this week i ended up telling them to F off out of my life if they think i am selfish.

I know some of you will say “but they’re family”, but as someone who is a carer I need to surround myself with supportive people and not negative people. I don’t have the energy to deal with negative people or people that are just not supportive.

 

Special Thanks to

@raspberrytalk

@recoverycastle

@carersconnected

@carersuk

All my husbands family

BATTLE Caree VS Carer

I was in two minds to write this blog entry and that is probably why i have waited so long to write it………..anyway here goes………….
I am sure a lot of other carers will be able to relate to what I am going to write about. I love my husband very much and he loves me very much, but since I have become his carer there has been a battle going on between us.
My husband can be very stubborn and so can I. Also my husband is still coming to terms with the fact that he is ill/disabled and needs a carer. So because of this most days he will not listen to me. I seem to know his limits more than him and i seem to know when he’s doing to much. It doesn't take much for my husbands body to get worn out, he will do something as simple as to try and make a cup of coffee and he will be tired. But despite the fact he knows all this and I'm always telling him, he will still try and do things he just can no longer do. It’s even worse when we go out anywhere. He will refuse to use his wheelchair and he will also sometimes get frustrated when i tell him not to do something because I know the affect it will have on him…
Some days I do feel like I'm constantly telling my husband no. I almost feel like a mother telling her child to stop being naughty! This is not how i want mine and my husbands relationship to be like, I want to care for him but i hate what sometimes seems like a constant battle between Carer vs Caree.
A few weeks ago i was really struggling with my caring role because i felt like i was forever having a battle with the person i love so much. I even thought about not being my husbands carer any more because of the battling, I felt it was affecting our personal relationship which being a carer for a loved one can do.
So what stopped me? I think it was mainly the support of other carers on Carers Connected. Just letting how I felt out and then being told it was normal and just knowing the support is there for me (even if only emotional support) from people that understand how I feel.
I did eventually speak to my husband about how i was feeling and he admitted he is a handful…the battle is still going on, some days worse than others and I think there is no real solution to this, but we’re both aware of it and trying …..

One of the lovely ladies who runs the page Carers Connected also runs Recovery Castle  was founded in 2012 by individuals affected from a range of mental health difficulties. It aims to encourage and empower those affected by mental health difficulties through peer support, both online and through local community workshops.
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Almost lost it!

Almost lost it big time at the doctors today, the stupid reception lady told my husband to walk up a flight of stairs. When my husband said to her I don't think I can manage the stairs she giggled and said just take your time...WTF

doesn't end there my husband is stubborn so tried doing the stairs, I couldn't leave him to get help so I started getting very angry and verbal. eventually someone ca...me along and asked if we where o.k and I said no.

The lady said why didn't you tell the receptionist you can't do the stairs both me and my husband replied and said we did. i said the trouble is they never notice the stick that husband has to use.

Cut this long story short my husband ended up collapsing on the stairs....

The doctor was amazing, she even took us out the back when it came to us leaving.

 

After this happening today I am wondering how many people don't see my husbands stick or the fact he struggles with every step he takes.